Finally Woken
by The-Mona-Resa
Summary: Set during New Moon. Bella takes the world by storm after she gets a recording contract. But is she living the life Edward wanted for her? Can he still win her back or will the fame change her too much? Yeah, I'm terrible at summaries.
1. Prologue: The Journal

**A/N: Hi. :) This is my first Twilight fanfic, though I've been writing other fics for a long time now. I'm sure others have probably come up with an idea similar to mine but understand that I am definitely _not_ trying to steal anyone's story. I was writing this before I ever came to this site and I have it loosely outlined in my head. Maybe you could call this AU, I don't know, but the characters will more than likely seem different.**

**One other thing, I already picked out a couple songs I'm going to use in the story but if you have any suggestions send them along. I may have another purpose for them. :) Expect Evanescence and maybe some Jem. I just won't be using a ton of songs in the story even though music is what it's all about essentially. I don't think you'd like to read a huge amount of lyrics and I don't really want to write that. **

**Disclaimer: All characters from the Twilight universe belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just borrowing them for a bit and will return them without a scratch. Well, maybe all except for Edward. ;)**

**Without further ado, the prologue...**

"Okay, if you need anything, just give me a call," Angela said as we exited my room and headed down the stairs.

"I will," I smiled, pulling her into a hug. She returned the smile and headed out the door. I stood outside and watched as she walked to her car and eventually zipped off into the night before heading back up to my room.

During the past few months I had grow much closer to Angela. I always liked her but we were both much too shy to form a truly close friendship. While in my zombie-like state she was the only person at school who honestly seemed to care about how I was doing. Jessica tried, of course, but I could see through her mocking sympathy and disingenuous smiles. I could tell she was actually glad that _he_ left. She more or less implied that it was to be expected; that there was no way someone like me could be loved by someone like him. What a great friend she turned out to be. But it hurt, because deep down I knew she was right. I knew all too well that I would never be enough for him. _He_ even said so himself that I was no good for him.

Mike, too, pretended to care but it was so obvious that his concern was only a failed attempt to get me to like him as more than a friend. Eric and Tyler were the same. They were like vultures buzzing around me, looking for something to salvage from the decaying carcass that was my heart. I was sad to see that when it came down to it, I really had no one at school to rely on. But then Angela came and reached down into the dark waters I was drowning in and pulled me to the surface. And I could breathe again, though it was a trying and painful process.

Angela tried to get me out of the house, to come and hang around with her. I politely refused every time. I had grown so used to the solitude of my room that I had all but completely forgotten what it was like to be around a girlfriend. Eventually, she gave up and started coming over to Charlie's. She came over most days after school and we would do our homework and talk.

Until Angela started coming around I didn't realize how badly I needed to speak to someone about _him_. I drove to La Push frequently to visit Jacob but I never could speak to him about it. He would listen if I needed him to, I knew that, but something about the idea just didn't seem right to me. Maybe it was because I knew the way he had always hoped one day he and I might become more than friends. His becoming a werewolf only further complicated the situation. As if Jake really needed more incentive to hate him. But despite his animosity towards the family I had one day hoped to join, he honestly helped take my mind off things. He was a good friend and no matter how I was feeling he could always make me smile. I knew I never would have survived without him.

At first Angela had to pry it out of me, but soon everything rushed forth like a river finally breaking through a dam. I never once spoke his name. I didn't even cry, though the hole in my chest threatened to tear me in two. Angela listened patiently and nodded for me to continue whenever the pain would strangle me, locking the words in my throat. When I told her everything I was amazed at the sense of relief that washed over me. It worked almost as well as Jasper's power. It felt so incredibly good to have someone else who seemed to understand what I was going through.

The next day she came over and handed me a small book from her backpack. It was white with a small pink and purple butterfly on the cover. I opened it and flipped through the blank pages.

"A journal?" I stared at her in surprise.

In response, she only smiled warmly and placed a hand on my shoulder in assurance. "Bella, you can't keep living like this. Take a good look at yourself. You're barely alive. You've got all this hurt bottled up inside and it's going to swallow you whole if you don't let it out."

"But I just told you-"

"You did," she said, cutting me off mid-sentence. "But I'm not the one who needs to hear it. He does."

Now I was truly confused. "Angela, I can't possibly tell him. He's gone off to who knows where. You know that." I stared at her in hopeless bewilderment.

Again, she smiled. "That's what the journal is for. Write down everything you would say to him if he were here. Tell him how he made you feel when he left. Let him know everything you've been going through."

I looked down at the journal and sighed. "I don't know," I mumbled. "I guess I could give it a try." After all Angela had done for me during the past few months it was really the least I could do.

"I think it'll do you a lot of good, Bella. And you know I'll always be here when you want to talk. Anytime."

I looked up and smiled. What would I ever do without someone like her?

"Thank you. For everything," I whispered as I folded my arms around her in a tight hug. She pulled back and nodded with a smile before turning to leave.

That night I cracked open the journal and began writing. It seemed silly at first. He would never hear these words. But it wasn't really for him at all; it was for me. I started by writing a letter but soon switched to poems. It seemed to come easier when I wrote in short stanzas, rather than long, drawn out sentences.

What began as a few small poems soon grew into several pages. It was as if this was exactly what I needed to do all along. As I scribbled my messy handwriting into the small book it occurred to me that it didn't hurt quite as much when I thought of him in this way. I could imagine him sitting beside me, his golden eyes glowing warmly as he watched me and listened to every word that poured from my pen. I could pretend he knew what I was feeling, that he understood how my life became incomplete the moment he left me that day in the woods. And I could fool myself into thinking he was hurting just as much as I was.

When I grew so tired that my vision was starting to blur, I closed the book and slid it under my pillow before collapsing onto my bed. For the first time since he left me, I cried. The hot tears spilled from my eyes, pulling me into a gentle sleep as the sound of my sniffling played in the background like a lullaby.

**If you read, please take a second to review and let me know if you'd like to read the next chapter. :) I wasn't sure what to do with Angela since she's a minor character so I just went with how I thought she'd be.**


	2. Chapter 1: October

**A/N: Hello again. :) Big thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing. It's greatly appreciated. :) I finally finished and edited the next part so here it is. Just to avoid any possible confusion, October is the name of the song not the month. I don't know what's up with the spacing in the first part of the lyrics. I tried to fix it but it's being stubborn. :P**

**I'm not sure when I'll have the next chapter up. I hate to say that it probably won't be for another few weeks. :( My professors are bombarding me with tests and term papers, so the next couple weeks are going to be insane. I'll try to get it out before then but I can't make any guarantees. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer and the lyrics in this chapter belong to Evanescence.**

That night, like every night, I had my usual nightmare. This time it was a bit different. I was still wandering through the forest, desperately searching for something. I felt completely lost and trapped as I spun around looking through the thick trees. Searching, always searching. I still had no idea what I was after, but I knew I had to find it. I began running at full speed as the forest around me turned into a dark green blur and branches reached out to grab at my clothes and hair. Usually this was the point where I awoke, screaming and gasping.

But this time I made it out.

I slowed to a walking pace and pushed the last few sweeping branches out of my path. Blinding lights greeted me and stung my eyes as they soaked up the electric glow of an enormous, sparkling city. Dumbfounded, I began to slowly walk along a sidewalk in front of numerous shops. The people inside stared at me in a strange way as I glanced into each passing window. I found this a bit odd but chose to ignore it. I was hit again with the strong urge to look for something, just like in the forest. I began to panic and run in a frenzy down the streets and alleyways. My attempts were useless though. I couldn't find what I was searching for. It always seemed to be just out of my grasp and nothing I did could bring me any closer to it.

My eyes flew open and I lurched forward, screaming aloud. I was still in my room Charlie didn't bother to come in and check on me anymore. He was so used to my nightmares that they had become routine. I looked out my window and realized that it was morning. Charlie would already have left. I was grateful for that; I knew how much my habitual nightmares hurt him and how helpless he felt when he saw that there was nothing he could do. There was nothing anyone could do.

xxxXxxx

Each night before bed I wrote in the journal for hours until my body was so exhausted it demanded rest and shut down. I had the same peculiar, terrifying dream every night and I still wasn't able to figure out what it meant.

Within a week I had filled nearly half the journal with my poetry. I was astonished at how therapeutic the process was. It slowly grew easier every day. I could even think of his name without feeling a pang of sadness rip through me. _Edward._ At night, I could look over at my window and for once not picture him crawling through it. I was able to look across my room at the empty rocking chair and not imagine him sitting there watching me as I slept. What did this mean? Was I finally starting to let him go? No, of course not. I couldn't lie to myself. I knew I would never get over him but I could at least come to terms with the fact that he no longer wanted me. I could come to accept it and hopefully stop beating myself up over something I couldn't change. He didn't love me anymore. I was just another one of his "distractions", something to amuse him.

Not all my poetry was depressing though. I began to think of how I felt before, when we were together. I brought myself back to the place where I had before the birthday incident. I let the remembrance of Edward's love surge through my veins. The joy of feeling first love, true love. So few people ever felt something like that in their lives and even though mine had ended badly, it didn't change the fact that I was so overwhelmingly grateful to even have had it in the first place.

Angela had helped me so much throughout the whole situation that I felt it was only appropriate to share some of my poetry with her. I honestly wanted to share it with her, yet at the same time I felt nervous about having someone else read my most intimate thoughts. After returning home from school one day I called her.

"Hey, Angela."

"Bella, hi, I was just getting ready to come over."

I hesitated a moment, biting down on my bottom lip. "Actually, do you think it would be all right if I can over to your place instead?"

"Sure Bella, it's no problem. Come right over whenever you're ready."

Fifteen minutes later my truck roared into Angela's driveway. She lived in a lovely two story white house located a few blocks away from the school. I tucked the journal under my arm and climbed out of the cab. Angela, obviously hearing my truck, opened the front door and stepped out onto the porch with a cheerful wave.

"What's up?" She asked as we entered her room. I handed her the journal before sprawling out on her bed. Angela stared at the journal in her hands and looked at me questioningly.

"I'd like you to read it, if you don't mind."

"Are you sure Bella? You really don't have to share this with me if you don't want to."

I smiled at her. "I want you to. It was your idea after all. I want you to see how much you've helped me."

Angela went over to her desk and sank down into the chair before opening the journal. I waited in anxious silence as she read. I took the time to gaze around her room. It was larger than mine and quite a bit neater, yet it was just as simple as mine. It had a bed, a dresser, a desk with a computer and a door that I could only assume led to her closet. Upon a second glance around I noticed an acoustic guitar in the corner.

"You play?"

"Hmm?" She lifted her gaze from the journal. "Oh, I do sometimes. It's just a hobby really, but I hope to get better at it. Maybe I'll play you something."

"Sounds good," I murmured as I continued my examination of her room. I had no idea she could play guitar. It seemed the more I came to know Angela the more I liked her. I could hardly believe that there was a time when I chose Jessica over her.

At last Angela finished reading. She looked up and her eyes were sparkling with unshed tears. "Oh, Bella, your writing is so beautiful. It flows just like a song."

"Thanks. I really owe it all to you though. It was just the kind of thing I needed and somehow you knew that."

She smiled. "So, are you ready to hear a song?"

I sat up and rested my head against my knees. "That'd be great. What are you going to play?"

"Oh, just a little something I wrote myself." Angela walked over and picked up the guitar and then came over to sit on the bed next to me. I watched as she began strumming the chords on the guitar. I marveled at the beautiful melody that began flowing throughout the room. She was much better than she gave herself credit for. Suddenly, she stopped, a look of surprise on her face.

"I just thought of something." She hurried over to the desk and picked up my journal. Her hands briskly turned the pages until she found was she was searching for. She began mouthing the words on the page while tapping her palm against her thigh. "Perfect. Bella, I want you to sing this first stanza here."

"What?" I gasped. There was no way she was serious. I couldn't sing; I couldn't do much of anything except fall down. I definitely got the short end of the stick when it came to talent.

"Come on, let's just give it a try." She sat back down next to me. "Now, I want you to put a little bit more emphasis on these words." She pointed to the ones she was referring to. My face flushed with embarrassment. I sighed and nodded. The least I could do was try and I really did feel indebted to Angela for helping me get through the worst time in my life.

"If you can, try to match my rhythm." She slowly began playing and looked up at me, indicating that I should I begin. I breathed in deeply and shut my eyes.

_**I can't run anymore.**_

_**I fall before you.**_

_**Here I am.**_

_**I have nothing left.**_

"Keep going," Angela prompted when I stopped.

_**Though I've tried to forget,**_

_**You're all that I am.**_

_**Take me home,**_

_**I'm through fighting it.**_

"Bella!" Angela suddenly cried as she stopped playing. Startled, my eyes flew open in surprise at her sudden outburst. I had never seen her get so animated before. "You've got a fantastic voice!" I flushed again. She had to be joking.

"I want to try something," she said, picking up my journal and a pencil. "Do you mind?" I shook my head and she began annotating my poem. I watched as the pencil clutched between her fingers rapidly scratched at the paper. "There," she breathed, sounding pleased with herself as she placed the journal between us. I glanced over at work, not really noticing at first what she had done.

"This part here would make an excellent chorus, but it's a bit too wordy for just one person to sing." My stomach twisted into knots. What in the world was going on with all of this singing business? "So," Angela continued, "I think the lines here I've put parentheses around would sound great being sung softly in the background, harmonizing with your voice."

I had to stop her before she got anymore carried away. "Angela, would you be so kind as to tell me what the meaning of all this is?"

"We're just having some fun, Bella. Don't worry so much. It's not like I'm planning on asking you to perform in front of the entire school or something." Horror washed over me at the thought. Seeing the look on my face, Angela laughed. "I'm just playing, Bella. Now let's try out the chorus." She positioned the guitar in front of her body once more and began playing the sweet, beautiful melody. I swallowed but kept my eyes open this time.

_**My only hope,  
(All the times I've tried)** _

I was taken aback when I heard Angela's soft voice join me. I hadn't expected her to sing so beautifully, but considering the way she was playing I really shouldn't have been surprised.

_  
**My only peace,  
(To walk away from you)  
My only joy,  
My only strength,  
(I fall into your abounding grace)  
My only power,  
My only life,  
(And love is where I am)  
My only love.**_

"That wasn't so terrible was it?" Angela asked with a gentle smile.

It wasn't terrible at all. Once the initial shock and embarrassment of singing out loud passed it seemed to flow naturally. I was surprised to find that my poems actually sounded _good_ when put to music. "Not as bad as I would have thought."

"I'm curious about something though," she continued. "Why did you call this 'October'?"

"October was probably the worst month for me," I replied honestly. "It was when I finally realized that Edward", my voice shook as I spoke his name aloud for the first time in months, "was really gone, that he wasn't coming back. The first few weeks I kept thinking he would change his mind. I kept hoping he would suddenly appear at my door or be waiting for me in the parking lot at school, but he was never there." I looked down at my hands. "All my hope just sort of died in October."

Angela sat down the guitar and put an arm around my back, pulling me into a gentle hug. She didn't say anything; somehow she always knew what I needed. I rested my head on her shoulder, my thoughts never straying from Edward. I glanced up at her occasionally and she wore a thoughtful look on her face.

"So," Angela said, breaking the silence at last. "Do you want to learn to play the guitar? I think with a few lessons you'd catch on quickly. I'd be happy to teach you."

Angela was so sweet. She was obviously trying to help me take my mind off Edward. I knew that would never happen, but if she was willing to teach me I would try to learn. I'd always loved listening to music. Why not try to make some of my own?

"Or I know a little piano," she was saying. "I could probably teach you that if it was what you wanted to do instead."

"Guitar would be great," I said too quickly.

"That's probably best," she said, nodding. "I'm far better at playing guitar. So, when do you want to start your lessons?"

"Would tomorrow after school be too soon?"

"No, that's fine. I think we should get started as soon as possible."

"Okay, then. Thanks for the offer, Angela. I really appreciate you doing this for me." I rose from the bed and started for the door. "I should probably get home and start cooking dinner for Charlie."

"Sure, I'll see you tomorrow at school." I nodded. "Oh, and Bella? It's nothing." Angela's smile had a hint of impishness to it that I had never seen before. I drove home wondering what it possibly could have meant.

xxxXxxx

Charlie was thrilled with the idea. When I told him Angela was teaching me to play the guitar he did something that surprised me. He motioned for me to follow him to his room. I had rarely been into Charlie's room, even as a child. I sat on his bed and watched as he dug around in his closet for a moment before pulling out an ancient looking guitar.

"_You_ play guitar?" I stared at him in shock as if he'd just stepped off a spaceship and now had green antennas growing out of his ears.

He chuckled as he brushed the dust off the guitar. "What? You don't think Chief Swan is capable of playing a tune now and then?" He chuckled at my skeptical stare. "I used to play for Renée in the early days of our marriage." He got that look in his eye again. The look he had whenever he thought of my mom; the look that clearly showed she still had his heart even after all their years apart. I groaned internally, not liking the uncomfortable turn the conversation had taken.

I accepted the guitar Charlie held out for me. "Thanks, Dad. I promise I'll take good care of it. Though I'm not sure how long this whole guitar playing thing will last."

"It's good to have a hobby, Bells," he said. "Especially something where you won't get yourself injured in some way. I guess the worst you could probably do is drop the guitar on your foot." He began laughing vigorously at his joke.

"Not funny, Dad." I folded my arms across my chest and scowled at him.

Charlie only shook his head and laughed again.

**A/N: So, good or bad? I know it seems like the story's moving slowly right now (and it is) but I wanted to explain how Bella gets into the whole music business thing. I think just putting her there at the start of the story would have been a bit unbelievable, especially for someone like Bella. I'm thinking the chapter after next will be done in Edward's POV, though I'm a bit nervous about writing him. :/**

**Also, if you've never heard Evanescence's "October" (it's an old demo song not found on any of their CD's) you can download it for free at fieldsofinnocence. com (minus the space). You have to register first. Don't worry, it's not illegal. There are bootleg copies out there you can buy with the older music on it but the band said they would rather you download the songs for free than pay money for fake copies. I recommend downloading all of them, expect maybe the ones with multiple versions unless you want to hear all the different versions that is. ;) **


	3. Chapter 2: A Possibly Great Idea

**A/N: Okay, the madness has ceased temporarily allowing me to get out the next chapter. Sorry, it's not very good but it needed to be done. This is the last of the background detail chapters. **

**If I remember correctly, there's a policy on FF about using actors and musicians, meaning that you can't use them. Since my story will revolve around the world of Hollywood I'm going to have to mix things up a bit to avoid violating the policy. Hence, the reference to "Whitney". ;) **

I turned the cassette tape over again in my hands, staring down at it. "Isabella Swan" was scrawled across it in thick black marker. I sighed for what must have been the thirtieth time that day.

"I just don't know about this, Angela."

I finally lifted my head to meet her gaze. She appeared very serene and relaxed, much unlike me. I was a nervous, jittery mess. My sweat slicked palms slid across the surface of the tape once more.

"Come on, Bella. Do you have any idea what my aunt had to go through to even get this guy to give you a chance? He's a real big shot in the music industry. It's extremely rare for him to personally consider someone. And he's only doing it for her because he owes her a favor."

Angela's aunt worked as an executive for a radio station in Seattle. Occasionally on weekends Angela and I would drive up and her aunt would let us hang around while she worked. We got to see how the station was run and meet the radio personalities. I had forgotten this but it had slowly dawned on me as Angela drove us up the day after we first started turning my poems into music.

I rolled my eyes. "This is completely insane, Angela. I don't know what ever made you think this would be a good idea."

"It's a _great_ idea," she said confidently.

"Possibly," I said with a hard, bitter laugh. This had to be some kind of sick joke. I couldn't believe she was making me go along with her crazy scheme.

"Your song is amazing, Bella. I think so many people out there will be able to relate to it. You've got a natural talent here. Don't you want to share that with the world?"

I thought about that for a moment. Was this what I wanted? Was it a good plan? Angela certainly seemed to think so. I had been surprised at how intensely she had thrown herself into this whole situation. A few months ago when we had first played "October" in her bedroom, I thought it was all just for fun. I agreed to let her teach me the guitar – for fun. I let her drag me off to the radio station to record my song – for fun. But then she springs the idea on me about getting a recording contract with some producer her aunt knew. It was embarrassing to know that I had been so oblivious to her intentions with the whole music thing.

"Just think about it, Bella," she said frowning. "This is the opportunity of a lifetime. You have to give it a shot. The worst he can do is send your tape back and tell you that he's not interested in your music. Then we can put this whole thing behind us. But you shouldn't ever give up on music. I think it's what you were meant to do."

A few months ago I would have considered that to be a crazy thing for Angela to say, but now I wasn't so sure. Writing the lyrics came easily enough, as did the guitar lessons. And I had to admit, my recorded song did sound good. It was surprising to me, for I never would have seen myself doing something like this before. Maybe it really _was_ the path destined for me. After all, it wasn't as if I was exactly gifted in too many other departments, especially athletics. I shuddered at the memory of today's Gym class. We had started playing kick ball and that game was even more of a nightmare than I could have imagined. Whenever I ran out to kick the ball I'd swing my foot forward and miss completely, landing flat on my back. It was a wonder that I had survived at all.

"All right, already," I rolled my eyes at her overly-eager expression and laughed. "Let's do it." I dropped my tape into the waiting manila envelope Angela was extending towards me. She sealed it excitedly.

"Okay, I'm visiting my aunt this weekend so I'll give it to her then." She chirped happily. "She's hosting some kind of get together for the radio station and he'll be there. Then she can play your tape for him and we'll see what happens." Angela smiled confidently while I felt myself getting nauseous. "Don't worry so much," she continued, snickering, when she saw the look on my face.

Even though I didn't want to admit it to myself, I was a bit excited about the idea. Extremely nervous more than anything, but part of me was curious to see what some music studio bigwig would think of my song. He'd probably cackle wildly and send me back a letter saying, "Thanks for the laugh kid."

I moaned softly and covered my face with my hands.

xXxXx

Nearly another two months had rolled by with no word from the record company. I wondered if the producer had actually heard my song. He could have only said he would listen to it in order to appease Angela's aunt and then neglected to do so. If I was going to be rejected I'd rather than just hear it than never know one way or the other. I would get over the disappointment. In fact, there wouldn't even be much disappointment to begin with since I essentially had no expectations. After all, why would anyone want to give a recording contract to _me_? Just the thought of performing in front of a large crowd made my cheeks grow hot.

Angela continued giving me guitar lessons and I was happy to see that I was improving so much. I was even beginning to create my own melodies. I would often sit on my bed for hours each night with my legs folded beneath me and the guitar on my lap. Plucking strings at random, I'd go with whatever sounded right and occasionally something that sounded really great would get going. Angela listened and offered encouragement, helping get my melodies onto paper and fixing notes that sounded a bit off or adding ones to improve the song.

Of course, I was still doing a lot of writing. The poems came easily enough as they usually did but I began working on adapting my thoughts into lyrics for songs or I would create some to go along with whatever song was currently floating through my head.

I was sitting on my bed after a particularly long day of school with Charlie's guitar in my lap. A dark, solemn melody drifted throughout the room as I softly mumbled the words to a song I had recently written. It was about Edward, of course. They all seemed to be about him, whether I was conscious of it or not. This one was particularly painful. When writing it, I thought about the struggle he went through every time he was around me, how he fought so hard to go against what he was. I remembered the look of sorrow and grief in his eyes when he came close to losing control. It hurt to watch. I admired the strength and courage he possessed. He was truly the most amazing person I had ever known. Life was such a struggle for him and I wanted nothing more than to take his suffering away, to save him from the pain of his existence. Even after everything that had happened between us, there was nothing I wouldn't do for him.

The tears began to flow freely as I continued playing. I closed my eyes and surrendered to the music, relishing the feeling of letting my pain escape. Besides writing, it was the only way I knew how. There were some things I could never tell anyone, not even Angela.

The sound of the phone ringing downstairs startled me. I wiped my tears away and set the guitar down before hurrying down the steps to the kitchen.

"Hello," I answered, my throat was still groggy from crying.

"Bella?" It was Angela. "Bella, oh my God! Bella!" Her voice was loud and hysterical. I pulled the receiver away from my ear, wincing.

"Angela, calm down. My eardrums are going to explode." I cautiously brought the receiver back to my ear. "Now," I breathed, "what's gotten you so excited?"

She sucked in a deep breath before gushing, "My aunt just called a few minutes ago. She heard from the producer today and he said he likes your song! He thinks you have potential! Bella, do you know what this means?"

"What, exactly?"

"It means he's very likely to sign you! Bella, you're going to be famous!" The loud shrieking tone of her voice was starting to return.

"Whoa, Angela. Wait a minute, okay? I think you might be jumping to conclusions about this." He thought I had potential? Me? Was that even possible? It couldn't be. Even so, what did that mean for me? My music was just a hobby, a bit of an escape. I never had any intentions of pursing some type of career in it.

"What's to jump to? You've got a great voice, you can write your own songs, and you're doing great with the guitar lessons." I was relieved to hear that she was finally starting to calm down, even if what she was saying was insane.

"Yeah, but come on. Me? Famous? Have you seen me? I'm not exactly Whitney, you know." I was absolutely ordinary looking. Nothing about my appearance was glamorous or special.

Angela scoffed. "And what does she have that you don't? Tons of make-up and a bad dye job? It doesn't matter that you don't look like that. Trust me; you wouldn't _want_ to look like that." Part of me had to agree with that. I had seen pictures of Whitney without make-up and it was terrifying. "You have classical beauty, Bella. And besides that, you have genuine talent. That's harder to come by than you might think. People like Whitney may be popular but they don't last long."

"Hmm…" She did have a point, but I still wasn't completely sure if I could really do this or not. I couldn't wrap my mind around the idea of it all. It was too much to take in.

"It'll be fun," the soft, lighthearted tone had returned to Angela's voice. "Now, stop worrying about things that haven't even happened yet. We have to focus on the present. My aunt scheduled a meeting for you with the producer next week. Got a pen?"

"Yeah." I grabbed a pen and scribbled down the time and address onto a notepad.

"I have to go, but I'll see you at school. Good luck!"

"Bye, Angela," I said, hanging up the receiver. I walked out to the dining room and sat in one of the chairs, staring down at the piece of paper in my hands. I blew out my breath loudly.

After that meeting, I knew my life would never be the same.

**Reviews would be nice. :) Next chapter we find out what Edward is up to.**


	4. Chapter 3: The Right Thing

**A/N: The Edward chapter! I was a bit anxious about writing him but oddly enough, it seemed to come easier, even easier than the Bella chapters. So hopefully I echoed the original Edward and didn't butcher him horribly. He's not going to be exactly the same because this isn't your standard New Moon, as you know. So, here's chapter 3…. :)**

**Disclaimer: All recognizable places, characters, etc…do not belong to me. I make no profit from any of this. Seriously.**

(Edward)

I stirred from the closest thing I could get to sleep. My throat burned with the familiar dry, prickling sensation indicating that I needed to hunt. It was the only way I kept track of time. Much like a human's sense of time is directed by the cycle of the sun, mine was led by my thirst. I sat up on the bed in my lavish hotel suite. I had been staying here ever since I arrived in London. With the almost constant rainfall it was an ideal place to be. Usually I could safely go out in the day. When the sun would shine through the clouds there was always an abundance of shadowed areas and shops nearby where I could take cover until the gloominess descended over the city again.

By now my thirst was raging. I could assume at least another two weeks, possibly more, had gone by. Another two weeks alone, away from my family and the only love I had ever known. Sweet, beautiful Bella. There was never a second when I didn't think of her. Her scent, her smile, everything about her was burned into my memory.

An exasperated sigh escaped my throat. I had never felt like such a failure in my entire existence. My attempts at tracking that despicable Victoria had gone horribly, horribly wrong. I lost the trail nearly three weeks ago. Her scent was long gone and after skimming through the minds of the humans I could see no trace of the fiery haired vixen in their thoughts. No one had seen her. She might not even be in London at all. I knew the time was approaching for me to relocate again, but I could think of no place to go. I only knew that I had to find Victoria. That was my top priority. If I couldn't be with Bella, I could at least keep her safe from revenge-seeking vampires. I desperately wanted to be home, to be in Forks. But that was the one place to which I could never return.

More than ever I longed to be human. I craved the seven or eight hours of sleep I could have each night to escape my self-inflicted misery. But even then I know my dreams would torment me. I had no source of escape. The agony consumed my every second. I had no "distractions". What a ridiculous lie. I laughed aloud, bitterly. Nothing in the world could cause me to forget what I had given up.

I didn't want to leave. There was nothing that could ever have kept me away from her. I was much too selfish for that. Despite the constant danger I continually put her in, I couldn't stay away. Never in my existence had I wanted anything more than just to be close to her. To feel the warmth of her radiating skin as it brushed against the coldness of mine. It had always amazed me that she actually wanted to touch my alien flesh.

But the incident at the birthday party drove me over the edge. I swore never to hurt her and I did. It was a simple paper cut, but because of me Bella's entire arm was injured. I didn't blame Jasper for the way he reacted. How could I? I knew how much of a struggle it still was for him to control his thirst. It was my fault everything got completely out of control. I never wanted her to see the kind of monsters we truly were. But she had.

Seeing her blood spilled before me was overwhelming. The scent crashed into me like a speeding train and even after restraining myself for years the demon of my true self took over, urging me to go in for the kill, to take what my body burned for. But it wasn't just a human I was passing on the streets. It was Bella, my sole reason for existence and I wanted to kill her. At that moment nothing mattered but the need for blood. The demon didn't care that I desperately loved the girl, that I would sooner tear myself to pieces than to ever harm her. I looked into those beautiful brown eyes like I had so many times before and I wanted to pounce forward and bring her neck to my lips. And I was so close to doing it! I was completely revolted by myself. More than ever I resented that side of my nature. Not even love can save me from my demons.

So I left. There was nothing else I could do. For once, I had to think about something other than what I wanted. I had to think of Bella first, her safety and her need for humanity. She needed to live a normal life whether she wanted it or not. And so I had to hurt her yet again. The lies burned my tongue like acid as I spoke them to her that day in the forest. I was certain the emotional anguish it inflicted would be enough to kill me but I wasn't that lucky. It was unbelievably frustrating that she believed my lies so easily. Did she have no faith at all in my love for her? As if I could ever live a single second without wanting her. Ridiculous. I was no good for her. A monster like me didn't deserve to be loved by someone as pure as Bella. It hurt to know that I had left her alone with the belief that she no longer mattered to me. But she was finally safe from her greatest danger and I would keep it that way.

My only hope was that somehow she could grow to forget me. Part of me never wanted that to happen, but she would never be happy if she was unable to. Forgetting her was impossible for me, and I would deal with the consequences of that fact. If she could not forget then she would not move on. Her short human life would be spent pining over the loss of what we had, just as I was doing now. But that was unacceptable for Bella. She had to forget and go on with her life, no matter how much it would hurt both of us.

I reached into the inside pocket of my light brown jacket and felt around for the soft band of cotton. I pulled the item out and examined it. A girl's hair tie. It was a simple thing really, but to me it was everything because it had been Bella's. I had taken it from her room shortly before I left. It was silly of me, but I wanted to take some part of her away with me. She would always be in my thoughts, I knew, but I wanted a physical reminder and it had to be something unimportant, something she wouldn't miss. The hair tie was perfect. It was once a dark red but over time its color had dulled significantly. I wrapped it around my palm and brought it to my face, inhaling deeply. The scent was still there but only very faintly, reminding me with a stab of pain just how long I'd been away from her.

I had to get out of the hotel room. My thirst was becoming more extreme by the second and I could no longer ignore it. It had _definitely_ been longer, much longer than two weeks. If I didn't hunt now I could end up doing something terrible to one of the humans and I would not do that to Carlisle. I had been dormant for far too long and I could feel the slight stiffness in my legs as I rose from the bed.

I walked as slowly as possible through the hotel exit and out onto the street. It was early afternoon but nevertheless, the clouds hung thick and gray over the city, holding a promise of rain. I caught sight of my reflection in the window of a nearby sweet shop. My eyes were pitch black as I knew they would be, given how long it had been since my last hunting trip. I could strongly smell the blood from the passing humans and it was overpowering. A young woman with short brown hair turned and smiled at me seductively. The natural urges in my body were pleading with me to take what I wanted. Just one. Lure one of them away, no one will know. I shook my head angrily and increased my pace, getting as far away from the woman as I could. There was no chance I was going down that road again. I could never go this long without feeding again. It was making me crazy.

My pace was brisk as I headed for the city limits. My body craved the exhilaration of running, though it no longer brought me the feelings of joy and freedom as it did before. Once I was certain no one would see, I took off towards a grove of trees far in the distance, reaching it within a matter of minutes. The foliage was thick and dark as I approached. I stood motionless and silent, listening. After a few minutes I heard what I'd been waiting for. The footsteps of a creature softly rustled along the earthen floor. It was much too soft a sound for a human to hear, but I picked up the sound as clearly as if it were coming from a foot away, rather than several yards. I sprinted towards the animal and as I neared I could smell the delectable scent of blood pulsing through its veins and hear the gentle rhythm of its heartbeat. The drought in my throat burned painfully, urging me forward.

I could see now that the creature was a small wild fox. How disappointing. I knew it wouldn't be too large of an animal but I was hoping for more than this. I would have to hunt for several hours to sate my thirst if this was the only game nearby. The fox never had a chance as I leapt at it. My hands locked around its neck, snapping it effortlessly. It let out a high-pitched yelp, whether out of pain or surprise I did not know or care. The only thing I was conscious of was the sweet, crimson liquid flowing onto my tongue as my teeth bit into the fox's warm flesh. I drained every drop, ravenously, before lifting a tree and tossing the fox's limp body beneath its roots and securely replacing it.

It went on that way for a few more hours. Much to my dissatisfaction, foxes were the only animals around so I had to make do. I lost track of how many I had consumed before my thirst was at last fulfilled. I looked down at my attire. I was a bloody mess. Usually I was very neat and careful while I fed but I was not used to denying myself for so long. A ruined set of clothing was a much better situation than a dead human at any rate.

By the time I returned it was late evening. The city buzzed with the spirit of London's nightlife. I headed down the street that led to my hotel, doing as best as I could to avoid any attention. Of course, I was never fully able to escape the curious stares of strangers. I wandered along a lesser traveled road in a poorer neighborhood in an attempt to remain inconspicuous.

I looked up at the blackened night sky. The stars were absent tonight, hidden beneath the thick blanket of clouds. I was not even able to find the moon, though I was certain it, too, must be somewhere amongst the encroaching darkness. The sky appeared empty and blank, much like I felt. Like the stars, the points of being in my existence were missing, buried beneath some insurmountable force. But the stars would shine again. My life was destined to remain in darkness.

A gentle tugging on the end of my jacket stirred me from my thoughts. I looked down to see a young girl of eight or possibly nine years of age. Thick, curly waves of russet hair fanned out around her shoulders and spilled halfway down her back. Her dark brown eyes were glistening in the streetlight as she gazed up at me. She wore a tattered hat and clothes of poor quality, but she was beautiful all the same. I realized in an instant that she bore a heartbreaking resemblance to someone else.

"Excuse me," she said timidly, with a heavy English accent. "Would you like to buy a flower? I grow them myself." She extended the basket that had been clutched in her hand towards me, which was bursting with tulips. They were red, as red as the blood that had been dripping from my lips only minutes ago. I ignored that and smiled down at the little girl. How interesting. I wasn't aware people still sold things like flowers among the streets. They had done so when I was last in London but that was many years ago. It was good to see that some things never change.

"I would love one." She beamed and pulled a long stemmed tulip out of the basket and handed it to me.

"Thank you," I said, reaching for my wallet.

"You're an American?" she asked when she saw the bills I was flipping through.

"Yes. I'm very sorry, I only have American currency. Will that do?" I'd been using my credit card during my stay and so had not bothered obtaining any British pounds.

"Sure. Let's see." She rested her free hand on her chin and was silent for a few seconds, thinking. "All right, then. That'll be twenty-five cents in American money." She nodded, satisfied.

I chuckled. "Are you a human calculator as well?"

Her cheeks flushed lightly. "I like arithmetic. It's my best subject in school. I'm the best in the whole class."

"That's certainly very impressive." I commended and she smiled. I held out a twenty dollar bill.

She frowned. "I don't have any change."

"It's no problem. You keep it." I folded the bill into her empty hand and those big brown eyes of hers gazed up at me in amazement.

"But this is enough for eighty tulips. I definitely don't have that many."

"You're very good," I said with amusement. "But it's fine. I only want one." Before she could protest I added, "Please, keep it. I have no dire need for money."

"Are you sure?" She gaped at the bill.

I nodded once and chuckled at her expression. She thanked me and tucked the money away in her pocket. Her expression turned curious. "So, you're an American then?"

"You could say that," I said with a smirk, twirling the flower between my long fingers. "But I'm not particularly tied to one place at the moment. I enjoy traveling far too much. London is one of my favorite cities."

"Have you been to many other places?"

"I've been pretty much everywhere." Being forced to move every three or four years does that to a person.

"Wow." Her eyes popped open in awe. The girl's face became dejected. "But don't you have a home?"

"Yes, my home is in a little town in Washington." I knew in my heart that home was wherever Bella was.

"Surely you want to go back though," she stated. "I couldn't imagine being away from home for very long. I would miss my mother and brother too much. Don't you miss your family at all?"

"Very much so," I replied honestly. And I knew they missed me and that I was hurting all of them, especially Esme, by staying away.

"Then why don't you just go back?"

I had asked myself that same question many times. Why didn't I just go back? I was clearly useless at tracking. What good was I doing anyone in the state I was in? I needed inspiration.

"It's complicated," I sighed. She looked up at me and I knew she was expecting a better answer than that, but I shook my head.

"Well, whatever you do, make sure it's the right thing."

"The right thing…" I echoed, more to myself than to the girl.

"That's what my brother always says," she continued. "You have to find out what the best thing is for everyone and just do it. The hard part is finding out what that thing is."

Her words struck me hard. She was right. I had to do the right thing and lying around moping in a hotel room somewhere certainly wasn't it.

"I wish I could go to America," she said, obviously sensing the need for a subject change. "I've never been outside London once in my whole life."

I snapped off part of the tulip's long stem and bent down to her level. "Someday you will," I whispered as I pushed her hair away from face, tucking the flower behind her ear. She giggled. "You know, you never did tell me you name," I said.

"Oh, I'm-"She was cut off by the nearby sounds of someone angrily walking towards us. I wasn't surprised; I heard the angry thoughts coming half a mile away as there was no one else in this part of town. I quickly stood up to my full height and took a step back.

A woman who I presumed was the young girl's mother approached. When she caught sight of me her eyes, also a shade of dark brown, flew wide open in terror and she let out a shriek. I flinched, remembering all the blood on my clothes. I must have looked like a murderer with the way I was dressed.

"Stay away from that man, Callie!" She snatched up the little girl's hand and began pulling her away. I stared intently at the woman, listening for her mind. _He looks as if he's butchered half the city. Now he's going after my daughter. I'll kill him first._

"Please," I began softly, moving towards them slowly. "I have no intention of harming your daughter. I was merely buying one of her flowers. You have a very sweet girl here." I smiled down at her fondly.

The mother still gazed at me in horror, her eyes never leaving my clothes. Finally, she looked up at me. "Your shirt and pants are covered in blood!" Her tone was full of disgust and revulsion.

I locked my eyes with hers, using the full force of my gaze. I spoke with the special voice I used for humans. "I was out hunting foxes," I said smoothly. That part wasn't a lie. She just didn't know exactly _how_ I hunted. "I returned only very recently and have not yet had a chance to change out of my clothes. I'm terribly sorry if I've frightened you."

_My goodness, he's handsome. His eyes are such a strange, beautiful shade of gold. Why do they look like that? How curious. No, no but he's lying. He's trying to cover up for what he's really doing out here. _Despite what she was thinking, I could see it in her eyes that I was beginning to affect her. "B-but," she stammered, "Why are you empty handed then?" _I knew he was a killer. He probably hid the bodies in a dumpster somewhere._

Humans could be so absurd. I chuckled. "My friend is taking care of that. I do the hunting and he does the skinning. Sometimes we trade but his aim is terrible. It takes us all afternoon to get a single kill." I ran my hand through my hair in mock exasperation.

"Oh," she said, looking down. Her mind told me she bought my story. She looked at me, laughing lightly. "I'm sorry. I saw my daughter and all that blood and jumped to the wrong conclusions."

"It's perfectly understandable," I reassured her. "I would be a little wary if I encountered someone who looked like me too." And I would be especially wary if they drank from humans. It was never good to run into that type.

"Well, it was nice talking with you…" She paused, realizing that she didn't know my name.

"Edward." This came from Callie, who was smiling shyly up at me.

"Edward," the mother repeated with a nod. "But I have to get Callie home and ready for bed." The girl pouted in an adorable way.

"Certainly," I replied. "Enjoy the remainder of your evening, and please, take care of yourselves." She nodded and pulled once more at Callie's hand. The girl turned back to look at me as her mother started to tug her down the street. "Goodbye, Callie." I winked at her and a rosy red warmed her cheeks as she turned away, smiling bashfully.

I stood and watched until the pair disappeared into the darkness before I headed back to my hotel. It was time for me to go. I had been wallowing in misery and self-pity for far too long now. I had to remember what I was doing, what my new purpose in life was. I had to do the right thing. Victoria was long over due for death. The thought of her ever hurting Bella was too much to bear. Losing the trail was no reason to give up. The only place I could think to go was Canada. We had tracked James all the way to Vancouver last spring when he was pursuing Bella. Possibly, he went there only to hide, or maybe there was some place there that meant something to him. I couldn't be sure, but either way I was going to find out. I checked out of the hotel and dialed in the number for the airport on my phone and booked a flight. I had found my inspiration.

**Not quite sure when the next chapter will be up. It's the last three weeks of the semester here in good old college and the professors are all trying to squeeze in those last minute tests. Hopefully, it won't be too long though. :) The next chapter is going back to Bella. All chapters will be in her POV unless it says otherwise.**

**Also, I'm a Photoshop nut and I've edited pictures of everyone in my Twilight cast to make them look as close as possible to how I see them. So, if you're at all interested in seeing what my characters look like you may want to check that out. I'm thinking I might put them up in my profile along with the next update. Not sure yet.**


	5. Chapter 4: Finally Woken

**A/N: Hey guys, sorry about the long wait. I wanted to get this out sooner but I had finals at college and I had to spend these last few weeks getting ready for them. Now that they're over with I can finally get back on track with this story and get some much needed sleep. :) Even though it's now summer I'm still going to be extremely busy. I just found out I got accepted into nursing school at the very last minute. I have no intention of tossing out this story. It will get done but probably not as soon as I'd like it to. But the chapters will be coming so please be patient. :)**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the wonderful world of Twilight. I, sadly, own nothing.**

Still a bit out of breath, I flung myself across the plush leather sofa in the studio lounge. I folded my arm across one of the snow white pillows and leaned my head against it, inhaling its too-clean scent.

"Isabella, you take five, 'kay sweetie?" A door opened across the room and Nadine's blonde head poked out.

I didn't look up. Rather, I weakly nodded my head, which was still pushed up against the pillow. I flicked my hand in her direction to show that I had heard her. Nadine giggled and shut the door. When she was gone I let out an exasperated groan and rolled my eyes. Why did they have to give me such a complete airhead for a personal assistant? She frequently made scheduling mistakes which thankfully haven't gotten me into too much trouble yet. But who knows what could happen in the future if she keeps making errors? Why oh why couldn't it be Angela instead? It shouldn't matter that she had no experience. She could learn. They all have to learn sometime. But I thought it best not to press the issue because I was well aware that at any moment they could decide to drop me all together and I definitely didn't want that.

It wasn't that I didn't like Nadine. She was nice enough, I guess, but she was always calling me things like "sweetie" and "honey" and saying things like "peachy". And she laughed and giggled constantly, even when there was nothing even remotely funny. I did my best to be polite to her because I would never want to hurt her feelings. There were times, though, when I wanted to scream out of frustration for her incessant giggling and attempts to mother me. I didn't want anyone acting like my mother, not even Renée. I was always more the parent in that relationship as it was. Nadine was a Hollywood girl through and through. Everything about her was perfect and Barbie-like. She had silky blonde hair, a dazzling smile full of sparkly white teeth and wore only the latest and greatest in fashion design.

It was difficult adjusting to a personal assistant. She was very good to have around for taking calls and scheduling appointments with this person and that one. But, holy crow, she went with me _everywhere._ I could barely get a moment to myself, and even with her around my phone was constantly ringing. I never wanted a cell phone. Now I had two. No joke, two. One was for personal calls and the other was for business. Neither of which ever seemed to stop ringing. Charlie usually called two or three times a day to check on me despite my constant reassurances that I was fine. I had both phones turned on silent at the moment because, as ordered by Nadine, I was not to be disturbed. I was supposed to speak as little as possible to conserve my voice, which I personally though was a bit ridiculous.

The last few weeks had been very trying. I was finally wrapping up the recording of my debut album, which was set to be released in less than a month. The whole experience was a lot more complicated than I would have thought. I was just appreciative that I was getting to use all my own songs and that they weren't altered beyond my own recognition. We had actually finished the main vocals weeks ago but I was now required back at the studio to fill in parts where my voice wasn't as audible as it needed to be and to fill in with some background vocals.

It still amazed me that people actually thought I had talent for this. What amazed me more was that the public actually like my music. People were anticipating the release of my album, which shocked me. My first single, "October", became a quick favorite only days after its release on the radio. It felt strange knowing that people all over the country were listening to, and possibly even singing, a song I had written. It seemed like it had been ages since Angela and I were playing that same tune in her bedroom back in Forks. I never would have imagined something like this could happen.

I was very grateful to be signed at all but I still didn't like the fact that I had to go by "Isabella". The producers all agreed that "Bella" wasn't very professional sounding and so I needed a more formal title. My last name had also gotten dropped somewhere along the way.

I had chosen to title my debut _Finally Woken_. It just seemed to fit my current state of being. Before, it was as if I had been asleep for months, more dead than alive. Not even a real person anymore. I didn't feel like myself. I had gotten to the point where I didn't even recognize myself anymore. It was a terrifying place to be. But the journal changed everything. I had found a way at last to escape. It was like I had truly opened my eyes and saw the sun for the first time. I may have lost the only real love I would ever know, but I was alive. I survived. And that, to me, was something remarkable.

The phone in my right pocket began to buzz, pulling me from my thoughts. I sighed and pulled it out. My mood brightened considerably when I saw that it was Angela who was calling. It had been a few weeks since I'd gotten a chance to talk with her. I eagerly flipped the shaking device open and held it to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Bella? Hi, it's Angela." She sounded as if she wasn't sure if it had been a good idea to call me. This didn't surprise me though; she was always worried if she was interrupting something I was doing when she called.

"Hi, Angela. It's great to hear from you!" I sat up straighter and folded my legs up on the sofa, feeling much better than I had all day.

"You aren't, um, busy or anything, are you?" She asked quietly.

"No, no, of course not. I told you before; I'm never too busy to talk to friends. Don't worry so much about it. Really, it's fine," I added before she could protest.

"Your assistant doesn't seem to think so." I frowned in confusion for a moment before I remembered the time Nadine was in charge of my calls while I was in a meeting with my producers. She had snobbishly told Angela that I was "otherwise occupied" and far too busy in general for "inconsequential matters' such as talking to her. Needless to say, that was the first and last time Nadine handled my personal calls.

I waved my free hand in the air, as if shooing away what Angela had said. "Forget about that. They can't control _every_ part of my life."

Angela laughed lightly and I was relieved that she seemed to no longer feel her calls were some sort of disturbance to me.

"So, what have you been up to recently?" She asked after a moment.

"I'm in the studio right now finishing up the last bits for my album. We're just about done. It's pretty exciting."

"Sounds like it," she said enthusiastically. "I knew you could do it, Bella. You've got talent and producers can spot that from a mile away. Well..." she paused. "At least the ones who actually care about putting out decent music rather than commercialized garbage. It's all about image these days. If you look good you can get away with putting out worthless music."

"I guess you're right." I sighed.

"I _am _right," she said, laughing. "You just need to get some self-confidence and realize that you really are good, that you really do have a gift for this. You need to be confident in a business like this or you'll fall apart. If you don't think you're any good, pretty soon you won't be. There's a lot of competition out there, Bella. A lot. But of course, you don't want to get _too_ confident or your public will start to hate you. No one likes feeling that they are beneath someone else."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "Oh yeah, that's me. Bella Swan, egomaniac."

Angela laughed again. "I'm serious, Bella. Your fans are important, don't forget that. Without them buying the music and going to concerts you're nothing more than a girl with a guitar and a dream."

"I know," I said, feeling a bit irritated that she would think I would do something like that. "I would never want to take people for granted, especially not people who support me. I just can't believe so many people like my music. It's crazy."

"You're the biggest thing to ever happen to Forks," she replied in agreement. "Did you know they almost chose your song for the prom theme? They picked an oldie at the last minute."

"What?" I exclaimed.

"Yeah," she said. "It seemed like everyone was in favor of picking your song but Jessica was in charge of the prom committee and she voted against it. It didn't surprise me though. She's always been jealous of you, you know. It's even worse now considering all the success you've had. I'm surprised her skin hasn't turned green yet." Angela finished, snickering.

I joined in her laughing at Jessica's envy. "So how was prom anyway? Did you and Ben have a good time?"

"Well, Jessica and Mike got in this huge fight. They were screaming at each other most of the night and she ended up pouring her punch down the back of his shirt when he was turned around. You should have heard the way he screamed when he felt that ice."

"Poor Mike," I said, trying not to laugh.

"Other than that it was pretty fun," Angela continued. "Ben actually knows how to dance," she added excitedly.

"Really? So he's got some smooth moves he's been hiding from us?"

Angela laughed. "You'd be surprised."

The door clicked open again and Nadine poked her head out again, frowning. I looked over at her apprehensively. Her frown turned into a fierce scowl when she saw that I was talking on the phone.

"Um, Angela, I've got to go." My voice was low and slightly anxious. "Say hi to Charlie if you see him. Oh, and Jake, too, if you're in La Push anytime soon."

She let out an understanding "oh" before saying, "I will. Bye Bella. Good luck with the rest of your recording."

"Thanks. Bye."

I snapped my phone shut and glanced over at Nadine, who was now tapping her foot impatiently.

"Um," I started, timidly. "Hi."

"Isabella," she said sternly, as if I were a child she was scolding. "The whole point of you being in here was so that you could take a break."

I blinked at her confusion.

"You were supposed to be giving your vocal chords a break," she hissed. "You need your voice to be strong for the recording! Do you realize how important this is? We have a deadline to make! This album is due out in less than a month! Are you thinking about these things at all?"

I winced, taken aback by the sharp anger I had never heard from her before. "Sorry, Nadine," I muttered pathetically. "I understand how much pressure everyone's under right now. I didn't mean to-"

She shut her eyes and breathed in through her nose, trying to calm herself. "Just please try and listen to me in the future."

I swallowed and nodded. When I realized her eyes were still closed I squeaked, "Yes."

Nadine's blue eyes popped open again and she appeared to be back to her usual self, to my intense relief. She forced a tight smile. "Okay then," she said, as though nothing had happened. Her voice had regained its usual perkiness, though I wasn't sure given the situation if it was genuine. "You're wanted back in the studio. Let's get these vocals finished up so they can complete the mixing and editing. Your very first album is about to drop, hun!" She scurried over to me and wrapped her thin arms around me, while her feet bounced up and down excitedly.

Nadine pulled back and her face fell. "I, uh, forgot to mention. We have a slight scheduling error."

I sighed. This was certainly nothing to be surprised about. I waited.

"Your appearance on the Jay Leonard show that was supposed to be two weeks from Saturday is actually this coming Saturday. I got the dates confused."

"What?" I shrieked. "You mean I only have a few days to get ready for this?" My stomach twisted into painful knots and I suddenly felt very sick.

"Oh, it's no big deal. I've met him before and he's a nice guy." She waved her hand as if the issue were insignificant.

"That's not what I'm worried about," I said frantically. "All those people..."

"It's okay to be nervous, everyone usually is. But honestly, if you can't handle a little television appearance I don't know how you expect to be able to go on tour. The number of people who are in the Leonard audience is nothing compared to the thousands who show up for concerts."

I nodded weakly.

"Okay, let's get to work!"

Before I could respond she spun me around and began pushing me towards the studio door.

**Reviews are love. No one said what they thought of Edward yet. So if you could leave some feedback on that it'd be great. I'm planning on doing so more chapters in his POV. Actually, I think the next one or two chapters are going to be Edward. This is getting to be just as much his story as it is Bella's. It's like he's taking over. ;)**

**Also, my Photobucket account is being screwy at the moment so I'll have to wait until the next update to get the character pictures put in my profile.**


	6. Chapter 5: Visitor

**A/N: Hello again. :) Here we go with another chapter. It's Edward's POV like I mentioned in the note last time. I didn't realize originally how important his side of the story was going to be, but I think it adds to it rather than just having him drop in randomly at the end of the story or something like that.**

**I had hoped to be getting out chapters sooner but I've got classes right now. I was thinking I was going to finish it up by the end of the summer but I don't think that's going to happen because I want to make this story the best it can be and that's going to take some time. Just remember that even if the updates take a while I'm definitely ****not ****tossing out this story. I'm just up to my ears in work. :)**

**Disclaimer: All the good Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer and no profit is being made.**

(Edward)

I stepped off the plane early in the morning with nothing but a plain, black duffel bag. It was empty but for a few sets of clothes that I didn't need. The bag was just another prop to blend myself in better with the humans. The airport that I was striding through was continually full of busy, chattering travelers. I winced as all of their thoughts hit me at once, a vast array of voices overlapping one another in my mind. Usually, I was successful at blocking them out but it was different now. The last twelve hours had been so distracting that I could not regain my focus and I was suffering because of it.

My phone had been ringing so much that I had seriously considered hurling it out of the window or simply crushing it between my hands. Most of the time it was Alice. She was the only one who didn't seem to understand that I needed my time away. She called every now and then but I never liked hearing what she had to say. I was always reminded of how much my family missed me or how heartbroken Esme was at my continued absence. As if I needed more reasons to hate myself.

So I stopped answering her calls. I knew I'd really hear it from her later, but at the time it didn't matter. I needed to think, to plan. I couldn't get caught up again in all the mistakes I had made. My reservations were made in a hotel near the edge of Vancouver. I had decided to check in there first and then I would head out and search the woods outside the city. James had run through them once, possibly several times before that. I was going to find out why he had chosen to go there in particular. I knew it was a farfetched idea but it was all I had and it was definitely better than wasting time feeling sorry for myself.

I walked through the lobby to retrieve my room key and the woman behind the desk blinked her large blue eyes at me. I didn't need to read her mind to know her thoughts. Honestly, it was all a bit ridiculous the way the women acted around me. I took the key from her outstretched finger and hastily retreated. I could see a look of disappointment flicker across her face as I headed for the luxurious, carpeted staircase.

I took the steps two at a time, going as slowly as I could in the presence of the nearby humans. I strode down the length of the corridor and approached my room when I heard a thought that caused me to freeze in my tracks.

_Where is he?_

I knew that "voice" and it was very angry. What in the world was she doing here? Why couldn't I be left alone?

I sighed and turned the knob. The door swung open and I saw the tiny frame of my sister, Alice, glaring at me. One hand rested on her narrow hip and the other clutched a large, bright orange tote. Her eyes were dark and piercing while her foot tapped impatiently. Jasper sat up on the bed across the room looking defeated. I couldn't imagine what the reason for her obviously extreme anger was. That is unless she had finally had enough of my ignoring her phone calls. But she surely wouldn't bother to track me down just for that when she could let me have it when I next checked in.

"What the hell is wrong with you Edward?" The tapping of her foot had ceased but her gaze was as fierce as it had been when I entered the room.

"Excuse me?" I asked, annoyed. "The better question is what is wrong with you. What are you doing here in my room unannounced?"

"I had to come!" She said, furiously. "I saw…" Alice hesitated as a look of worry momentarily replaced the anger. "I saw you drinking from a human. Edward, what are you thinking? If Carlisle knew-"

I cut her off. "I didn't kill the woman. I could never do that to Carlisle or to myself. I thought about it briefly but I didn't act on my impulses. Why are you acting like this anyway? We all get those same urges. "

"I know that, of course." She stopped and whirled around abruptly. "Jasper, will you cut it out?" Only then did I notice the soothing waves emanating from my brother who was still sitting quietly on the bed. Alice turned back to look at me. "It's just….I know how you can get when you're upset. You're not yourself. "

Now I was even angrier. I took one long stride so that I was mere inches from her unusually perfect face. My voice was a low, tight whisper. "And so you think I'd kill someone? I swore I'd never go down that path again no matter what happened to me. Never again, Alice!"

Her anger dissolved and she frowned. "I'm sorry, Edward. I was just worried. I know that you would never-"

"It's okay," I said, sighing. "Let's just forget about it."

She nodded without saying another word. Jasper spread his hands apart. "How have you been?" He asked softly.

I shook my head wordlessly, my anger forgotten. They didn't need me to elaborate; they already knew I was no better off than I was when they'd last seen me. I was worse.

"Well," Jasper continued, trying to keep the flow of conversation going. "Everyone's doing really well. Rosalie and Emmett are visiting Japan and Carlisle and Esme are back in Forks so-"

"What?" I all but screamed the word. My rage was boiling again, hot and fast. I swore under my breath and tried to speak calmly but I was failing at it. "I thought I'd made it clear that she was not to be bothered. That she was going to live her life without any further interference from us."

"Calm down, Edward," Alice quickly hissed. "They aren't there because of Bella. She's not even there anyhow."

"I-"I froze as I took in the new bit of information. "What do you mean she isn't there? Has she gone off to college already?"

Alice looked at me skeptically. "Have you been living under a rock?"

"What?" My patience was burning out quickly. "Tell me what you know about Bella. Why isn't she in Forks?"

"She's in Los Angeles, last I heard," Jasper said.

"Bella's gone into the entertainment industry," Alice explained. "She's a recording artist, Edward."

"Quite popular already," Jasper added.

It took a while for it to hit me. Even then it still made no sense. I gazed at the pair of them in confusion. "Bella? How can that be? That's honestly the last thing I'd expect from her. It doesn't seem possible."

"It came as a surprise to me, too." Alice said gently, resting her pale hand on my shoulder. "But then it all sort of made sense considering my vision and-"

I shook her hand away. "You had a vision about her. Damn it, Alice."

"You just hold on a minute," she said, irritably. "I wasn't looking for her future. Bella and I spent a lot of time together so I'm naturally more sensitive to her now and the vision just happened. I don't know why but it did. So don't go yelling at me about it."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She rolled her eyes. "It's a bit hard to do when you never answer your phone."

Here it comes. She's going to give me the talk about alienating myself from the family. I knew I couldn't avoid it for long. But I was surprised because what she said was not at all what I was expecting.

"I wouldn't have told you anyway," Alice muttered, looking away.

"Why?" I tried to keep the hurt out of my voice. Alice always told me everything. It was a heavy blow to see for myself how far apart we'd grown in my absence.

"Well, it wasn't a good vision. It wasn't good at all." She sat down on the bed next to Jasper and put her face in her hands. Jasper's arm stretched around her shoulder lovingly.

I waited as patiently as I could. Finally she looked up.

"I saw Bella in her room, sitting on her bed," Alice began. "She was playing the guitar, which I found surprising."

I nodded. I, too, was taken aback by this for I never knew Bella had musical talents.

"She was singing a song and the words she sang were so…heartbreaking." She shook her head as she spoke. "And then I saw that she was crying. It was such a sad song. I really don't think she'll ever record it. It was much too personal."

"About me?" I asked, but I already knew the answer.

Alice nodded. "I didn't want to tell you what I saw because I knew it would upset you."

"It's alright." I swallowed and stared down at my feet. "It's just as well. At least now I know that she's moved on like I wanted. She'll forget in due time. Humans always do." I looked up and gazed out of the window blankly.

"She won't forget. Don't you see, Edward?" Alice asked sincerely. "You and Bella are made for each other. It's not some silly human relationship like I know you think it is. This is more than that. This is….fate, destiny. It's written in the stars. It's something beyond your control and hers."

"Alice," I said, warily. "Have you been watching those late night psychic programs again? Because you know they're absolutely-"

"No, no," she said quickly, cutting me off. "Those frauds are good for nothing more than entertainment value. They could stand to learn a thing or two from someone who can _really_ see the future. But that's not the point. What I'm saying is that your relationship with Bella is different than most others. It's out of the ordinary."

"I'll say it is," I muttered angrily. "What kind of boyfriend wants to kill his girlfriend and drink her blood every second he's with her?"

"That's not what I meant," she snapped briskly. "I just think that you and Bella are meant to be together. You love her and she loves you. She'll never get over you just as you'll never get over her. You are supposed to be with her."

I scoffed. "Why would an angel be meant for a demon?"

"You're only a demon if you choose to be," she replied softly.

I swept my hand through my hair and walked over and sank into a chair next to the window. A moment later Alice was beside me.

"So you really had no idea of what was going on with Bella?" She asked gently.

I shook my head, still stunned by the idea of Bella being in the music industry. "I wonder how Charlie feels about her doing this," I mumbled, more to myself.

"Oh, he's thrilled. He misses her, of course, but he's just happy to see her up and doing something with herself after, well, you know."

I knew. "She didn't really move on at all, did she?"

Alice bit her lip. "I think she's expressing her sorrow in a different way. But I think, overall, she's doing better. I went over to Charlie's to see how he was doing and he was talking to her on the phone and he did sound truly happy. I don't think he'd be happy if Bella wasn't."

"No," I agreed. "So did you talk to him?"

She shook her head. "I stayed out of sight. I'm sure he knows we're back in town, though. I may go over and speak to him later."

"I'll go with you," I said.

"Bad idea," Jasper said from across the room, though I heard him as clearly as if he were standing right beside me.

"Of course," I muttered, realizing how foolish the idea was. "He'll likely blame me for everything as he should. He wouldn't listen to anything I had to say."

"Yes, unfortunately that is the way of things right now," Alice said softly. With some obvious effort she looked up at me and smiled. "Don't worry about it, Edward. I'll talk to him."

"Alice," Jasper called with a weakness in his voice I knew all too well. "Isn't it time we-"

"Oh, of course," Alice quickly replied. And with that she bounded to her feet. "We need to hunt but we'll be back later." She walked over and joined Jasper who was waiting by the door. "I almost forgot. Here." She reached into her tote and pulled out a thick magazine and tossed it on the bedside table. "You might find something in there you like," she added with a wink.

I noticed Alice was smiling hugely at me as she grabbed Jasper's hand and shut the door to my room behind her. I frowned in confusion as I reached for the magazine she left. It was something of the sort of thing human teenagers might read. I flipped to a section that Alice had marked and stared in shock at what was there. I could swear I felt my heart lurch forward even though it had long since been dead. There on the page was Bella, or Isabella as it called her. She was just as beautiful as I remembered. No, she was even more beautiful, though I noticed in her face that she looked thinner and a bit weathered. The magazine listed an assortment of facts about her which I already knew and it included an article about her upcoming album.

On the opposite site was an address that Alice had circled several times and put asterisks around. Fan mail? She couldn't be serious. How often do famous people even read their letters? Alice usually had some strange ideas but this was in another league. I studied the address and muttered to myself.

"You're crazy, Alice," I said, shaking my head. Several floors below in the parking lot I could swear I heard the faint sound of her musical laughter.

**Reviews, as always, are appreciated. :) Also, the edited pictures of my cast are up in my profile as well as a bunch of rambling about why I picked who I picked so you can go check those out if you want.**


	7. Chapter 6: Wardrobe Dysfunction

**A/N: Hey guys, sorry about the long wait. Thanks to everyone who's been keeping up with the story and reviewing. :) I've actually had the chapter done for a while now, but I've been having trouble with my Internet connection so I couldn't put it up until now. I really hate computers sometimes. Anyway, here's the next chapter. I don't think it's all that great, but I hope you like it just the same. :) As you can probably tell, I have no idea what fame and show business is really like so I had to improvise. ****And can you believe it's so close to Eclipse? I'm freaking out.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all the good Twilight stuff. I don't own the other "famous" people either.**

"And we're just about finished up here."

I shut my eyes and crinkled my nose as a feathery brush whisked across my face for the tenth time that evening. The brush swept all over my face and I fought against the terrible urge to sneeze as the powder from it overwhelmed me. I was definitely _not _used to this kind of treatment and I doubted that I ever would be. I didn't like having people do everything for me or treating me like I'm something special.

With a few more flicks of the brush, the woman who was putting on my make-up stopped suddenly and pulled back. "There we are. My, aren't you a pretty girl?"

I didn't believe that for a second, though I smiled at her halfheartedly. I looked blankly at my reflection. My make-up had been done professionally several times now but it never ceased to amaze me at how different I could be made to look. I still appeared horribly plain and average, and I couldn't lie to myself and pretend I didn't. This was only more apparent to me when I saw the other girls my age who were also in the entertainment industry.

I sighed softly as the make-up artist packed up her tools and left me sitting in the chair as I waited for someone from wardrobe to arrive. I was moments away from making my first ever performance on live television and I was nowhere near calm. "The Jay Leonard Show" was a hugely successful show and if I blew it on there I'd never be able to live it down.

I looked up again at myself. Who was that girl? Not Bella Swan from Forks. Few people really knew her. It was Isabella they loved. Isabella who they wanted to see and hear. Bella Swan was some other part of me, a part that was kept locked away and hidden from the world. She wasn't interesting or exciting enough. And yet, as I looked in the mirror, I could still see her. Beneath the thick layers of mascara and foundation that were Isabella, she was there, just within reach…

A shrill cry of excitement tore me from my ruminations. "I can't believe it! Your first big television appearance!"

"Nadine?" I spun around to face her. "What are you doing here? I was just waiting for wardrobe and-"

"Yes!" Nadine clapped her perfectly manicured hands together rapidly; the silver bracelets around her wrists clinked together nosily. "It's me Izzy! The woman in charge of wardrobe isn't able to make it tonight so they put me in her place!"

I hated the fact that Nadine had recently given me the nickname "Izzy". It wasn't as bad as some of the others, but I cringed when she said it all the same.

"Err…that's great." I tried to sound pleased, but in truth, I was terrified. What would Nadine do to me? Horrible images began to flood my mind. "Do they normally allow fill-ins like that?"

"No, I imagine they'd call someone else, but I've got experience and I'm already here. It's convenient for them and fun for you."

"Oh, really?" I tried to smile, but the mirror showed a grimace.

"Yes," she said, her voice gushing with excitement and enthusiasm. "I'm giving you a rare opportunity. Normally it's not allowed, but since we're such good friends I'm going to let you choose what you want to wear tonight."

"Really?" I hadn't expected this. Nadine was normally such a control freak who kept a tight grip on everything that happened in my professional, and sometimes personal, life.

"You'll let me help though, right?" Nadine's glossy pink lips pouted like a pleading child.

"Yeah, sure I guess. But why are you letting me choose?" I had to ask. I waited for her to reveal that there was some catch. Maybe she'd made another scheduling mistake or forgot about some appointment she was supposed to make for me.

Nadine was all smiles. "Because it's your first appearance and I want it to be special for you."

"Wow…thanks Nadine." She continued to beam at me. "So, shall we go ahead and get started then?"

"I thought you'd never ask!" Nadine squealed and grabbed my hand, pulling me out of the make-up chair and towards the back of the room. We headed out into another section of the massive television studio. I passed up several more people who were hurrying around busily adjusting cameras or lights. The show was already under way and as I was swept around in the shadows near the stage I caught a quick glimpse of the live audience.

"Look at all those people!" My throat locked with panic, but Nadine merely turned around and grinned.

"I told you before. It's only natural to be a little nervous your first time doing this," she called behind her. "But it gets easier. Try not to worry. Just look at Jay. He'll probably make you feel more comfortable."

"I hope so," I muttered to myself.

Nadine pulled open a plain silver door marked "Wardrobe" and tugged me inside after her. "Here we are." She clicked the door shut behind us.

I gawked at all the clothes. There were racks and racks of dresses, skirts, tops, pants, shoes, and glittering accessories. The clothes were beautifully textured and brilliantly colored, far more luxurious that anything I had ever owned.

"I have to choose out of all of this?" My eyes were still wide with awe as they darted from one rack to the next.

Nadine smiled knowingly. "Well, some of them are different sizes, but you've still got a huge variety." She headed over to a rack of dresses and began flicking through them. "Now, what size did you say were hun?"

"Um, a two."

"Yes, you are a tiny little thing," she said, more to herself. 'But that is what they expect." She pushed several dresses out of the way as she looked. "Okay, any idea of what color you want to wear?"

"I like brown," I offered.

"Great! We've got plenty of that. Over here." She beckoned me over to another rack as she began pulling out dresses and laying them on my outstretched arms. "Ooh, I like this one," she said every now and then. "Oh no, definitely not. Don't they know these are out of style?" Nadine made a disapproving noise. "I thought everyone knew that."

I shrugged helplessly as my arms began to tremble slightly under the weight of the dresses.

"Shouldn't I be trying some of these on?" I groaned a little, ready to collapse if she added any more dresses to the pile. "We don't really have much time do we?"

"Oh darn!" Nadine frowned and rested her hand against her chin, thinking. "You're right. I guess you've got enough to choose from."

"I'll take those, I bet they're heavy." She easily lifted the massive pile of dresses from my arms and set them on a nearby chair. "What do you think of this one?" She pulled a skimpy, clingy two piece number off the top of the pile.

"Um, that's a dress?" I asked as I tried to rub some feeling back into my arms. Charlie would have a heart attack if he saw me in that. No, actually, Charlie would drop dead if he saw me in that.

"Of course it is! This would look so cute on you, Izzy. It's sexy, but it's classy. A perfect combination!" Classy would never have been a word I would have used to describe it. It looked exactly like something Jessica or Lauren would wear. Nadine wiggled the dress around, trying to tempt me with it.

"I'd rather try something else if that's okay."

"Well, if you're sure. I still say it'd look really cute on you…" Nadine gave me one last look in hopes that I would change my mind. When I didn't she frowned and picked up the next dress from the stack.

It was hideous.

The next dress Nadine held up was more of a ball gown. It was a light brown color with thin straps. But there was something wrong with it. All along the front of it were jagged rips that went down the length of the dress. They revealed little peeks of a darker shade of brown under the lighter layer.

"How do you like it?" Nadine asked, grinning.

"It looks like some kind of animal attacked it."

"But this is high fashion! Girls would kill to wear a dress like this." I couldn't help smiling to myself, wondering if Nadine regretted her decision to let me choose. I decided to make it a little easier on both of us.

"Why don't you let me have a look?" I offered. We would certainly get done a lot faster.

Nadine put her hands on her hips. "All right then, if you don't want my advice."

"It's not that I don't appreciate your advice, Nadine." I quickly said. "I do. It's just that I want to wear I dress I feel more comfortable in. I'm going to be nervous enough as it is without worrying about something hanging out or clinging to me or something."

When she said nothing else I began to sort through the pile, trying to find something simple. After a few minutes and a stack of rejected dresses, I finally found it.

"I really like this one," I said, holding up a strapless brown dress. The top had a layer made of a silky material that wrapped around it and the bottom fluffed out just a bit due to the layer of crinoline beneath the dress.

I took Nadine's high-pitched squeal as a sign of approval. "Try it on!" She was gushing with excitement again, as if she ever stopped.

"Right here?" I felt a bit awkward at the idea of changing in front of Nadine.

"Of course, don't be silly! We're both girls, aren't we?"

"Um, yeah," I said listlessly.

I began to pull the dress clumsily over my head out of nervousness and Nadine abruptly stopped me. "No, no, hun! You'll wreck your hair and smudge your makeup all over the inner lining of the dress!"

Feeling incredibly embarrassed, my cheeks began to burn. Nadine made to mother me as usual. She pulled the dress away from my arms and unzipped it in the back. She held it open, obviously wanting me to step into it. This night could not get any more embarrassing.

Stepping into the dress, I quickly reached and pulled it up around me before Nadine could. She zipped it back up and ushered me over to stand it front of the mirror. It felt like it was a nice fit and, seeing my reflection, it actually looked good too. It was simple, yet elegant all at once. I knew this was the one I wanted to wear.

Nadine was beaming. "You're simply stunning!" She was clacking her heels on the ground excitedly and a new flush of embarrassment swept over me.

"Wait until Jason sees you!" Nadine exclaimed.

"Um, Jason?" I had no idea who that was, but Nadine was looking at me as if I had to be joking.

"You know, Jason Sharpe? That hot singer? How could you not know who he is? Everyone knows who he is." She went into a detailed description of his features.

The name was vaguely familiar to me. I had heard of a few of his more popular songs and his music was not my type at all. It didn't even sound like music, not real music. His songs were the kind Angela would call "fangirl fodder". No substance, no depth, nothing. He was just a good-looking guy performing choreographed moves and singing about how he's looking for the right girl. Teens ate it up.

"Oh," I said simply. "What about him?"

"Don't you remember? He's the other guest on tonight's show," Nadine explained.

"And yet I have to perform instead of him."

"Well, of course. You're the one who's going on to promote a new album, and not just any album, your debut." Her eyes seemed to sparkle as she spoke. "But anyway, what I was about to say is that Jason has a huge crush on you and I'm sure he's going to love you in that dress."

"He's what-?" I glanced at her quickly, certain I had heard wrong. "A crush…on me? Are you sure, Nadine? That doesn't sound-"

"Honestly, Isabella, don't you read the magazines about you at all?" She wore the same look on her face as she had when I hadn't recognized who Jason was.

I pressed my lips together. "Not exactly." The truth was, I didn't want to know what people were saying about me. I knew how much the tabloids lied and I didn't even want to imagine what kinds of things they were making up.

Nadine rolled her eyes. "Well, he does. And I think you should-"

A rapid knock on the door stopped Nadine and I was grateful for that. Nadine looked annoyed at being interrupted as she called, "Yes?"

The door opened and a weathered woman swept in, a clipboard clutched in her hand. "We've gone to commercial. Isabella, Jay's going to introduce you after the break, so we need you out here in about five minutes."

I nodded weakly, feeling sicker by the minute. The door shut again and Nadine sprang into action. She stooped down and adjusted the ends of my dress, fluffing the crinoline layer and smoothing it out. Then she bounced up again and began arranging my hair around my shoulders and face.

Nadine smiled broadly and hugged me tightly. "You look great and don't worry, you'll do fine. Just relax." She held the door open for me and I stepped out. I walked over to the woman holding the clipboard who was waiting a few feet away.

"We're all ready," she said with a smile, though I could tell she was under extreme pressure. "If you'll just follow me."

I walked a few paces behind her as we headed toward the studio. I knew we were close because I could hear the applause from the audience as the show began to start up again. The woman gave me a brief smile. "Just wait here for Jay to introduce you." And with that, she turned to leave. I tried to return the smile, but my stomach felt queasy and tight, as if I'd just smelled blood.

The audience quieted down as Jay began to speak. He told a few jokes, but I had no idea what he had said. His next words made me freeze.

"And now please join me in welcoming a new talent to the music world. At only 18, she has the number one single in the country and a greatly in demand debut album out next month. Ladies and gentlemen, the very lovely Isabella!"

The audience began to cheer again and the band started playing a jazzy tune. I took in a deep, shaky breath and slowly began my walk out onto the stage.

**You can probably guess who "Jay Leonard" is and Jason Sharpe is a character from that (I thought) terrible Disney Channel movie "Model Behavior". I can't use his real name obviously, so just look up that movie if you want to know who he is. I don't actually think he's hot, but a lot of people do. Something about him is creepy to me.**

**Also, I've added some images from this story to my profile. I've made a story banner and there's also an image of Bella at the Leonard show, so click my profile if you want to see them. :)**

**Anyway, I'm hoping it won't be too long before the next chapter. I'd like to get another one out before I go back to school but it's not likely. It will cover Bella's appearance but it's going to be from Edward's POV. **


	8. Chapter 7: Love Letters

**A/N: I apologize again about the long waits. I hate not being able to work on the story more but I've got tests pretty much every week and it's hectic. You know how that can get with school. It's basically a constant thing for me now, one due date after another.**

**Anyway, I had a good section of this done about a month ago but the chapter would have been a lot shorter. And I don't know how you guys feel about it, but I think a short chapter is a gyp. Not sure when the next one will be up. I've got finals in about a month so probably no writing time till after that. :( **

(Edward)

"I have a surprise for you."

Alice entered my hotel room, beaming, Jasper at her side.

I quickly read her thoughts. "A T.V. show? Bella's going to be on a T.V. show?"

She pouted. "You always spoil my surprises, Edward." But her frown quickly faded. She grinned and nodded.

"When?"

She glanced at the clock on the wall. "I think they do live tapings so….now."

I was on the sofa and in front of the television with the remote in my hands before she could even finish her thought. I clicked the buttons impatiently until I found what I was seeking. I was just in time.

"….the very lovely Isabella!"

If my heart were still beating it would have stopped in that instant. She was so beautiful, so impossibly lovely. I smiled in spite of myself as she tripped slightly while walking out onto the stage. As clumsy as she was and wearing high heels, it was a wonder she didn't fall on her face. I sighed. So many things had changed, but through it all she was still my Bella. I watched as she briskly walked over to the chair beside the show's host.

A young man was sitting on the sofa to the right of the chair. He rose when Bella neared and took her hands in his before kissing her cheek. A low growl began to build up deep in my chest. How dare he touch her…

_Easy, Edward._

I didn't bother to look at Alice; I knew the look that went with that tone and I had seen it plenty of times before. I had no right to be jealous if another human took an interest in Bella. Many humans did no doubt. There were plenty in our school alone who were waiting for her to notice them. But I had made my choice and I had no say in what she did with her life now. She was free of me, free to be with someone who didn't perversely lust after her blood. But not this human. He may not have lusted after her blood, but there was obviously something he did want from her, and I would gladly crush his skull if he ever dared to hurt her.

As Bella took her seat in the chair the dim-witted boy leaned in as close to her as the couch would allow.

"Welcome to the show." The host offered a friendly grin as he shook Bella's hand. "We're happy to have you here tonight."

"Thank you, Jay." Her voice trembled slightly as she spoke. I didn't need Jasper's gift to know how nervous she was. "It's, um, great to be here."

He then went on to ask her about her upcoming album release, the fool beside her leaning in all the more. Then the question I was most curious about was asked.

"So, uh, is there a special guy in your life right now?" The host asked casually. The idiot, Jason, was so close to Bella that his face was nearly pressed into her hair.

Bella smiled coyly. "Well…"

The anticipation was agonizing. I watched to leap at the television and shake it violently. My fists were clenched at my sides. I didn't know what answer I hoped to hear. Part of me hoped there was someone special in her life, someone who could make her happy in a way I couldn't. But then the other part, the darker part, hoped that she was just as lost without me as I was without her. Alice put her hand over mine. Wordlessly, I released my fist and spread my hand into the smooth skin of her palm.

Bella's finger twirled around a lock of her hair. She cocked her head to the side, smiling nervously. "I'd really rather not discuss that part of my life, if you don't mind." Her tone was polite and calm, but it made my throat lock. There was someone else. Of course. How could I expect her not to move on? It was what I wanted for her. I forced myself to swallow the lump in my throat.

Jay looked at Bella knowingly. "Oh. So then I can assume there's someone you don't want us to know about?"

"Well, Jay, you know what they say about assuming things."

Jay's face became colored with mock surprise. "Why, Isabella, are you calling me an ass?"

The audience laughed. Bella chuckled. "Of course not. I'd just rather keep my private life private, that's all."

"Okay," Jay said, sounding disappointed. "I can respect that." He then switched to another subject. Bella looked relieved.

_It doesn't mean anything, Edward._

My face must have given away the pain I now felt surging through my veins, the pain that throbbed straight into my dead heart. Alice's voice was soft and sympathetic in my head. I didn't look at her.

"You heard what she said," I murmured. "She was so elusive. She could have just said she was single, but she didn't."

_Of course not. Do you think she wants a bunch of guys hitting on her constantly? _

I frowned and Alice rested her head against my shoulder. _She loves you, Edward. Don't forget that._

I shook my head sadly and glanced back up at the television. The show was going to a commercial break. As the camera pulled away Bella turned to speak with Jason. My lips pressed together tightly.

"There's nothing I can do. It's too late."

Alice spoke aloud now. "But there is something you can do. And you know what it is."

Oh no. Not this again. I pretended not to listen, hoping she would drop it though I knew she wouldn't. I got up and moved to a chair across the room.

"Well?"

I groaned and buried my head in my arms, refusing to look over at my impatient sister who I knew was sitting on my bed glaring. I knew perfectly well what she wanted but I decided to play dumb as long as I could. I wanted very much to avoid having yet another conversation, more like argument, with her.

I muttered unintelligibly into the sleeve of my shirt.

"Have you even thought about it?"

"Hmmm?" I murmured, looking up and blinking at her innocently as I furrowed my brows in mock confusion. "Thought about what?"

Alice rolled her eyes and shot me a deadly look. "Edward Cullen, you know perfectly well what I'm talking about!"

I groaned even louder. Jasper had gotten up to site beside Alice. His arm was securely wrapped around her waist. He looked at me sympathetically.

_You can't win against her._

"I know," I said, looking away from Jasper and up at Alice. "Yes, I've thought about it," I said in a strained voice. "I won't do it Alice. No chance. I can't just start writing her letters like some love struck teenage boy."

"Which is exactly what you are," Jasper noted, and he began to laugh.

"Ha!" I exclaimed. "I'm more of a man than these children could ever hope to be."

"That's not the point," Alice interrupted in an annoyed voice. "Are you going to write to her or not?"

"I told you. No."

"I told you he wouldn't go for it," Jasper murmured in a low voice. Alice turned to face her husband and gave him a look that put an abrupt halt to any further input from him. Now she turned on me.

"Why not?" She demanded, standing up from the bed. "What's the risk involved here? None. And I know how badly you want to talk to Bella. This is the only way."

"No," I repeated. "I told her there would be no more interference from us. I'm going to leave her alone so she can live a normal life, be happy."

"But she's not happy, Edward. Don't you see?" Alice took my hand in hers. "It's in her eyes. She's empty. You are the only one who can make her happy. She needs to be with you."

I sighed. "What she needs is to forget she ever met me."

"Is that really what you want?"

"It's not about what I want. Not anymore. I've got to put her first."

"Then why don't you?"

"Come on, Alice. Be realistic." I was starting to lose my patience with her. "I told you before, it won't work. There's no guarantee the letter will even get into her hands."

She rolled her eyes again. "No guarantee, huh?" She tapped her forehead and muttered, "Jeez, Edward. Wake up."

"You mean you've seen something then?"

"Obviously," Alice replied with the same biting sarcasm. Her expression softened then and the harshness in her eyes faded. "She looked so happy. You've got to do it Edward. If not for you, then do it for her. I know there's nothing you wouldn't do to make her happy."

She was right.

"But she'll know it's me writing the letters. I know her, Alice. Even if I altered my handwriting, she'll figure it out eventually. That's the kind of girl she is."

"I know," Alice agreed. "You just have to find a way to be yourself without really being yourself. Shouldn't be too hard, right?" She beamed at me, victorious, showing off her full set of perfectly straight white teeth.

"Right," I echoed dully.

"You'll figure it out," she said confidently. "Jasper and I have to go down to the lobby and get a room. We'll stay here tonight."

"You could just stay in here," I offered. "It's not like we need an extra bed."

"We've already been seen by some of the hotel staff. It would be too suspicious if we just disappeared into your room."

"I thought you'd have gotten a room when you first arrived."

"No," she said grinning. "We just broke into yours." She grabbed Jasper's hand and pulled him out the door. "We'll be back in a bit," she called from the hallway.

Be myself without being myself….how in the world was I supposed to do that? I sighed. Maybe it would be best if I forgot the whole thing. But I truly did want to talk to her. I ached with the pain of her loss. I would endure the transformation out of my human life a thousand times over just to see her again, just to feel the warmth that radiated from her ivory skin. Perhaps my speech needed an update. I still spoke in the formal, polite tone that was a sign of the times I had grown up in. I preferred it and had no wish at all to conform to the speech of today, but for this, I would have to do something.

I decided that I would try and learn the way teenage boys of today talked. Listening in on their minds might have been beneficial but people usually didn't speak out loud the same way they did in their heads. Besides that, I had taken to drowning out the minds of teenagers long ago. It was mundane and impossibly dull. I only listened in if there was something I wanted to hear, as I did with nearly everyone who spoke to Bella at school. Otherwise, I had no desire whatsoever to hear their thoughts or pay attention to their slang and trends.

I sat on the sofa in the front of the television and clicked to MTV. I loathed this channel. It was nothing but screaming girls and terrible noise they actually called music. Not to my surprise, it didn't take long to find what I was looking for. I studied a program carefully about a popular young rapper who was going to show an interviewer his "crib", whatever that was. The show went to commercial and I cleared my throat, preparing to practice what I had just witnessed. I strode over to the mirror on the wall and stared at my reflection.

"'Sup, dawg?" I tried. "You wanna see my crib?" I frowned at myself. Oh, this was ridiculous. What was I even saying? I shook my head helplessly before looking up in the mirror to try again. "Yo, those be some pretty tight sneaks you wearin'. Word."

I stepped back from the mirror, feeling foolish. "Utterly preposterous," I muttered to myself, bitterly. How do these people even communicate? Is that supposed to be English? No one could possibly understand what that meant.

I had been so distracted that I did not notice the snickers coming from behind me. I turned to see Jasper and Alice standing in the doorway, back from their trip to the lobby. Now they were both hutched over, laughing, and seeing the look on my face, they began to laugh even harder. I continued to glare at them.

Jasper straightened up and said through choking gusts of laughter, "'Sup, Eddie dawg?"

Alice bit her lip, trying to bite back her amusement and appear serious. "Those be some pretty tight sneaks you wearin'!"

"Word!" They shouted together and gripped each other by the arms to keep from falling over for laughing so hard.

"Very funny," I said dryly.

"You're right," Alice cackled. "It is."

"What are you doing anyway?" Jasper asked. "Besides making me laugh harder than I have in a decade?"

"Edward's gone gangster!" Alice exclaimed. "Let's go shopping for baggy pants!" She danced over to me and reached for my hand.

I quickly took a step backward. "No, no. That isn't it at all. I was trying to take your advice. You said to be myself without being myself." I frowned.

"You don't have to go to such extremes," she said, fighting to control her laughter. She turned to Jasper. "It just goes to show that no matter how many decades a person lives, he still can have no idea whatsoever when it comes to the opposite sex."

"Thanks, Alice." I said dryly. "As if I didn't already know that I'm a terrible excuse for a boyfriend."

"You just made a mistake with Bella," she said consolingly.

I ignored her attempts to excuse my behavior. "Then what do I do?" I growled, my frustration evident.

Alice pressed her lips together. "Well, you'll want Bella to have some idea of what you're trying to say. Just write what's in your heart. You know what she needs to hear and you know what you want to say."

"I just can't be myself."

"Something like that. Don't pretend to be something you aren't. She fell in love with _you_, remember?"

I nodded glumly, still a bit confused as to how I was going to accomplish this.

"Just think about it," Alice smiled kindly. "We'll leave you alone for a while. I want to check out that antique shop I saw on the way here. Come on Jasper."

Jasper groaned softly and got up from the bed. Alice giggled and took his hand, pulling him out of the room. The door closed with a soft click and I was left to my thoughts again. I stood from the chair and went to sit at the desk, switching off the television as I went. I took out a piece of paper and pen from the desk drawer and placed it in front of me. I then reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out Bella's faded red hair tie and pressed it against my cheek, praying that the words would come to me.

Anxiety and paranoia flooded through me. What if she knew it was me? How would she feel if she did? Would she be happy to hear from me or repulsed? And how would I sign the letter? I certainly couldn't put my name and "your secret admirer" was far too childish.

I groaned loudly, frustrated. Maybe I was making this harder than it had to be. I needed to do as Alice: write from the heart, tell Bella everything I'd say to her if she were here, if nothing had changed.

Not entirely sure what I was doing, I picked up the pen and began to write.


	9. Chapter 8: A Very Bad Mood

**A/N: Hello again, hoping you're all well. I'm definitely enjoying the time off from school. Sadly I go back in two weeks. Anyway, here's the next chapter. Hope you all enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owner of all**

As soon as the Leonard show was over I had to prepare for another departure. I was expected in New York the next morning for an interview or a photoshoot or something. I was too tired to remember the details. At least Nadine was kind enough to tell me in advance for once. As I left the studio I stopped briefly to talk to some of the audience members who were crowded around the exit. A mass of voices came at me at once.

"Isabella, I love your music!"

"You were great tonight!"

"Sign my poster, please!"

"Marry me, Isabella!"

I wondered if this was what it was like for Edward, having the special talent of reading minds. Only he couldn't escape unless he was completely isolated. Otherwise, he would hear a constant barrage of thoughts from anyone who happened to be around him. And he'd hear personal, private things. I didn't even want to know what these people were thinking about me. Especially the guy who had screamed a proposal at me. I shuddered.

After ten minutes of posing for photographs, shaking hands, and signing posters I waved goodbye to the group as a security guard came to tell them they couldn't be hanging around the studio. I headed for the black limo that was waiting for me. The driver got out and quickly came around to open the door for me.

As I came nearer to the limo I heard a noise to my left. I quickly glanced over but I didn't have enough time to prepare myself. It happened much too fast. A figure leapt towards me, knocking me to the ground. I screamed and pounded on his chest, failing pathetically to get him off of me. My driver rushed over and was met with a swift fist to his jaw. He stumbled backward and slumped against the limo.

The figure slowly crept back towards me, ready to bounce. I shut my eyes, waiting for the impact. I was surprised to hear the pounding of feet. I reopened my eyes.

By this time the security guard ran over followed by a handful of crew from the studio. My attacker looked around and swiftly ran off into the darkness.

"Hey you!" The security guard took off after him, reaching for his gun as he ran.

I sat up slowly. One of the crew members reached for my hand and helped me up. My driver stood a little ways away rubbing his jaw. He walked over to me.

"Are you alright?" I asked anxiously, watching his fingers as they massaged the dark, swelling area of his face. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault." He sighed. "This kind of thing happens more than you'd think. Some fans can't separate fantasy from reality and they snap. I'm just not equipped to handle situations like this. Why the heck don't you have a bodyguard?"

"Um..." I flushed, grateful for the darkness. Nadine had suggested a bodyguard a few times before. The truth was, I didn't _want _one. Now I wasn't so sure it was a bad idea after all.

"Get one," the driver said simply. "For your own sake. There's nothing some of these fans won't stoop to."

I nodded.

"Now come on, we have to get you to the airport."

I hesitated. "What about the attacker? Don't I have to report him or anything?"

"You could, but the press would have a field day with the news. Wouldn't do a whole lot of good, I don't think. Who would you report? I doubt you saw much more of him than I did."

I shook my head. "I couldn't see his face."

"I suppose we could stick around and wait for the guard to get back if you want," he offered.

"No," I said, shaking my head again. "I want to get away from here."

"Certainly." He opened the door for me to get in.

I felt a gentle touch on my arm as I bent down to get into the limo. I gave a start, thinking it was another of my more _enthusiastic _fans.

"I'm sorry," a man's voice said gently. "I didn't mean to frighten you."

I felt relieved as I turned around, but not exactly pleased either. It was Jason Sharpe. My driver raised his eyebrows and leaned against the limo.

"You didn't," I quickly lied. "I was surprised, that's all."

"Either way, my apologies. I heard the noise out here and then someone said you'd been attacked. I just wanted to see if you're okay."

"I'm fine," I muttered, lying again. Apparently he'd missed the fact that I was visibly shaking.

"That's good to know." He flashed me a bright smile, no doubt intended to make me dissolve into a liquid mass of oversexed teenage goo. I continued to stare at him blankly, wondering what he wanted. Jason seemed to grow nervous at my lack of response. He ran a hand through his curly blond hair and chuckled sheepishly as his eyes looked me up and down. I cringed.

"Um…," I said after a few more long, awkward seconds. "Was there something else you wanted, Jason? Really, I'm fine."

"Oh!" He chuckled and smiled at me again. "Forgive me; I was just getting caught up in how beautiful you look tonight."

_Please_. Is this guy for real? I just got attacked by a maniac and he's pouring on the cheesy charm? I hoped the disgust wasn't as evident on my face.

Apparently it was.

"I heard this was your first live appearance," he continued, switching the subject quickly.

"Mm-hmm." I nodded absently.

"I just wanted to let you know that I thought you handled it really well. Very professional. Much better than I did the first time I was on T.V. I was a bumbling, stuttering fool."

Kind of like you are now. It felt strange that I was able to make this Hollywood playboy go from cocky and overbearing to a nervous wreck.

"Oh, thank you." I smiled, but it felt unnatural and forced. How can I politely tell him to go away?

"So," Jason went on, growing more nervous but trying all the more to appear cool and confident. "I don't know if you know or not, but there's this party tonight…It's supposed to be pretty tight. I was thinking of checking it out. You interested in coming along? Maybe take your mind off what just happened?"

Oh, God. Is he trying to ask me out? I could feel my cheeks burning. "Actually, I have to catch a flight to New York shortly. I'm sorry."

"That's cool," he said casually. "Some other time then."

"Yeah," I said, though I prayed he wouldn't take that last part seriously. "It was nice meeting you." I smiled as much as I could manage and got into the limo.

"You too. Take care," he said, shutting my door for me. The driver looked a bit annoyed. As he went around to the other side of the limo I looked back at Jason to see if he had gone yet. He was still there. When he saw me look back he winked. Ugh. I had a sickening feeling that this wouldn't be the last I saw of Jason.

Once inside the limo, I leaned back against the smooth leather of the seat. The driver got back in, still rubbing his jaw. I scooted up in the seat so that I was close to the small window separating us.

"Are you going to go to the hospital about that? It looks like it might be broken."

"I don't think I have a choice. I'll drop you off first though." I stared at his jaw. It was now a darker purple, almost black. Definitely broken.

"Are you sure you don't want to go now? I can probably get another ride. A cab or something."

He shook his head. "I'll survive."

"I'm sorry."

"I know," he said. "But I told you, it's not your fault."

I didn't believe him. Of course it was my fault.

"I gotta give that guy credit though." The driver smiled as much as his injury would allow. "He's got a great left hook."

xXx

By the time I boarded my flight, I was beyond exhausted. I rested my head against the back of the seat, shutting my eyes, but unable to get the recent Leonard show off my mind. I fought the urge to dwell on the horror that had occurred outside the studio. I thought instead of the interview itself. Thank goodness that was over. So embarrassing. Why did they have to ask personal, embarrassing boyfriend questions? And what was the deal with that Jason guy? Maybe Nadine was right. Maybe he really _did_ like me. It definitely seemed like it, but maybe he just invited me to that party because he felt sorry for me after getting attacked.

I wondered for a brief instant what Edward would think about that or if he had even seen the show. I brushed the idea off quickly, scolding myself. Of course not. He doesn't care about you anymore. I tried to sleep, but every time I shut my eyes I saw him. His flawless face, his twinkling golden eyes that glowed with love for me, and the beautiful crooked smile that never failed to make me hold my breath.

If only I hadn't cut my stupid finger…

I growled in frustration and reached for the cheap plastic ear buds the airplane provided. Maybe music could drown out my thoughts. I cycled until I found a good song. I settled on Linkin Park, an old favorite thanks to Phil. It was "Numb", perfect for how I was feeling. I cranked the volume up until the music thudded inside my head. I shut my eyes again and mouthed the words to the song.

"Excuse me, miss." I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned my head to see a flight attendant in the aisle bending towards me. She didn't appear to recognize me, or maybe she did and just wasn't saying anything. Either way I was grateful for the temporary anonymity. I pulled the headphone buds out of my ears, waiting.

"The gentleman seated behind you would like to get some sleep and he feels your music is being played too loudly for him to do so."

Her tone was polite, but it did little to curb the annoyance building within me. I scoffed and rolled my eyes but she didn't seem to notice.

I didn't know why I was in such a bad mood. The show had been a success. A success due to the fact that I had survived at all. I darkly thought again of the attack and shivered. But that didn't seem to be the reason for it now. I had been feeling this way for a few days now, but the almost constant flurry of activity never gave me much time to figure out what I was feeling. Maybe the stress was starting to get to me. I had been traveling to different cities every few days the whole summer. My release was only a few weeks away and now I was hitting the major cities like L.A. and New York to promote it.

I missed being home. I hadn't seen Charlie or any of my Forks friends since I'd started the promotional tour a few months ago. It had been even longer since I'd seen Renée. I always started to get uneasy when I hadn't talked to her for a while. I knew she was doing fine with Phil but I still worried. I couldn't quite shake the feeling that my mother still somehow _needed_ me. Or maybe I just wanted to feel like there was someone who needed me. Someone who I needed just as much.

It was like I had become hollow inside, like I had always been hollow. A sinking feeling swept over me and I knew what it was. I had felt this before. Loneliness. It still hadn't left me; it was just buried, only pushing up to the surface once given the opportune time. And being so disconnected from everyone was giving that feeling the chance to eat me alive.

The flight attendant put her hands on her hips, waiting for me to comply, but I was being stubborn and I didn't care.

"The music is coming into my ears, not his." Why couldn't I just listen to my music in peace?

"Yes," the flight attendant said with a firm smile. "However, it still creates a noise that isn't quite as loud, but is present nonetheless." The tone of her voice had become snobbish and she now spoke to me in a slightly belittling way as if I were a clueless child. Her attitude only fueled my annoyance into hot anger. She wouldn't treat me that way if she had any idea who I was.

"It would be greatly appreciated if you would consider turning your music down a bit," she finished. Oh, I'll turn it down.

"Of course," I said, smiling sweetly. "It is not my wish to be a disturbance to any onboard."

The flight attendant nodded and walked away, further up the aisle. I put the buds back into my ears and turned the volume up the rest of the way. I smiled to myself with satisfaction, chuckling darkly under my breath as I leaned back against the seat. Let's see how she likes that.

**Best wishes to all of you in '08! My New Year's resolution is to get this story done. I hate that it's taking so long because I know there are some inconsistencies. :(**


	10. Chapter 9: Live from Forks!

xXx

**A/N: Wow, a really long wait. Sorry guys. I've had bits and pieces of this done for a long while but I decided to wait until I had some more time to tie them all together into a longer chapter. I had no idea what I was in for with my last semester of nursing school. I was literally studying every single night. I was failing halfway through too, so you can image the stress level. But I passed in the end. :) One more year to go. It'll be intense and now that I know that I'm going to have to force myself to finish this over the summer. I love writing this story and I want to see it through to the end. Just please try to be patient with me here. :) I'm not sure how many chapters are left, I'd guess 4-5 but you never can tell.**

**Anyway, if you can remember waaaay back to the last chapter, Bella is on her way to New York for a photoshoot following an appearance on the "Leonard" show where she was attacked by a stalker freak. **

I entered the suite I was to stay in while I was in town. I waved the huge security guy from the hotel off, insisting that I was fine. He wouldn't leave. I quickly shut the door in his face, annoyed. Couldn't I ever be alone anymore?

I knew I needed to sleep but I didn't want to dream, knowing I would be haunted by the attacker, or worse, Edward. I sat on the sofa and clicked the T.V. on, knowing there wouldn't be anything on worth watching this late. I clicked through the channels lazily, stubbornly fighting sleep while my head began to bob forward toward my chest. I settled on what looked like a real estate type program or a fix-up-your-home show. The camera zoomed in on the back of a house then pulled back and showed the backyard.

The house looked strangely familiar, but I couldn't place it. Sleep was threatening to take over. The camera circled back and focused on a young woman, a reporter.

All at once it made sense. I sprang forward on the sofa, my mouth hanging open in horror. Any traces of sleep were gone. Of course the house looked familiar. It was _my _house! Only then did I notice the heading at the bottom of the screen titled, "Live from Forks".

There was no way the program was actually live as it said it was. The sky in Forks was as murky as ever but I could tell from the dim beams of light that filtered through the clouds that it was early afternoon when the footage was filmed. It must have been a later broadcast of something they'd already shown earlier. Great, just great. Who knows how many times this stupid program had already aired.

"We're broadcasting live from Forks, Washington. Here we find a gloomy forest laden little province and the hometown of singing sensation Isabella."

Hometown? I would hardly call Forks my hometown. Even though I had spent many summers there with Charlie, Phoenix was my primary home for the majority of my life. Of course, Phoenix never really felt like _home_. That honor would go to Forks, the first place I really fit in, even if it was with a bunch of gloriously beautiful monsters and a pack of teenage boys that could morph into wolves. So maybe calling Forks my hometown was accurate to some degree.

The reporter continued to babble on about my house and its "beautiful, rustic charm" while the camera panned around to show the viewers the entire property.

"We're now heading up to the door to see if we can have a word with Isabella's father, Charlie Swan, police chief of Forks." She knocked on the door. After a few moments of silence she turned back to the camera.

"It seems our chief is on duty. Perhaps we can reach him at a later time."

I rolled my eyes. Of course he's on duty. It's a Friday afternoon. Where _else_ would he be?

The camera switched again and the reporter now stood outside the main office building of Forks High. I tensed, but then relaxed when I realized that no one could possibly be in school. It was mid July.

I was horribly, horribly wrong.

After a few minutes of background information from the reporter about the school, people slowly began to trickle out from one of the buildings. The reporter rushed over to a pair of girls, a blonde and a brunette.

Oh no. It was Lauren and Jessica. What were _they_ doing in school? They graduated last month, the same as everyone else. When they saw the reporter and the camera they straightened up and smiled hugely.

"Hello ladies," the reporter sang, delighted to find someone who could possibly provide some dirt.

"Hi!" The girls chimed in unison, locking their eyes on the camera.

The reporter introduced herself. Jessica and Lauren said their names and smiled at the camera like Cheshire cats.

"I didn't expect to find anyone hanging around here. Don't tell me you two girls got sent to summer school." The reporter laughed at her joke.

"Of course not!" Lauren chirped and then giggled in a nauseating way, flicking her hand through her long, silvery blonde hair.

"We _are_ in school though," Jessica added. "It's a two week long program set up by the school to help us prepare for college."

"Ah," the reporter said. "Very smart. Well ladies, I'm here today to talk to you about a former classmate. I assume in a town this small you're quite familiar with everyone."

They nodded.

"So, I take it you know Isabella Swan?"

Jealous anger briefly flashed across Jessica's dark eyes as her smile dimmed. Lauren, bubbly as ever, took over with no problem but I recognized the mean glint in her eyes.

"Oh, but of course I know Bella! We're the absolute best of friends!"

My jaw dropped and I stared at the T.V. as it might walk over and bite me. Friends? With _Lauren? _

Jessica snapped back to herself and piped up, "Well, I was her very first friend when she moved here. I took her under my wing, you know." She smiled with mock kindness.

"And you were pretty good friends with her, Jessica?"

"Oh yeah," she replied. "We used to hang out all the time. We still do, of course. She's just so busy you know." Another big smile.

In the background, more students came out of the college program. They stared at the camera curiously as they passed.

Lauren, obviously annoyed at the attention being turned on Jessica, cut off the reporter before she could ask the next question.

"I'm glad she got out of Forks. I just felt so sorry for the poor girl," Lauren's smile was gone and distress crossed her face. Jessica looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

"What do you mean by that?" The reporter's excitement could not have been more obvious. It reminded me of a dog looking at a steak.

Lauren's lips tugged up for the briefest instant before the sorrow returned. "Well, you know her parents are divorced and she moved down here to live all alone with her father. He's always so busy with work and he's even gone on the weekends. Word is he's secretly been an alcoholic for years now. A father's not really a father when he's-" Her voice dropped to barely a whisper. "_under the influence. _And the poor girl didn't have many friends as it was."

I could not believe what I was hearing. Why were they doing this? Did they really hate me that much? I was so angry I could feel the tears welling in my eyes.

Jessica, catching on to the scheme, added, "Yes, it really was fortunate that she had us to stick by her through the more difficult times."

"How nice." But the reporter didn't seem too enthused. This was obviously not the kind of dirt she hoped to dig up. She wanted something scandalous on _me_, and alcoholic father-type Hollywood sob stories were so commonplace that hardly anyone raised an eyebrow. But it would still be used against me if it could.

A young man walked over beside Jessica and Lauren.

"Hey Mike," they called.

Oh, not Mike. This could not be happening.

"Mike, is it?" The reporter eagerly turned away from Jessica and Lauren. The camera zoomed in on Mike's face. He looked at it strangely.

"Can you tell that guy to back up a bit or something?"

The reporter swiveled around and motioned angrily with her hand for the cameraman to take a few steps back. Her glittering smile returned as she faced Mike.

"Better?"

"Yeah," Mike said, though he still seemed to be a bit annoyed. He shoved his hands in his pockets and waited.

"So, Mike. I was just talking to Jessica and Laura here-"

"It's _Lauren_," Lauren interrupted with a huff.

The reporter went on as if she hadn't heard. "-were just talking with me about a former classmate, Isabella Swan. Are you familiar with her?"

"Yeah, I know Bella."

"The girls were just telling me about her sad life, living with her alcoholic father who never loved her."

Okay, it seems the reporter has totally eaten up the stupid story.

Mike's brow furrowed in confusion. "What are you talking about? Chief Swan isn't an alcoholic. That's the most ridiculous lie I ever heard." He turned to glare at Jessica and Lauren. "Chief Swan is a good man and he loves Bella. Anyone could tell you that."

"Now, now. Mick, is it? You wouldn't be covering up for something, would you?" The reporter looked at Mike as if he were a schoolboy in some kind of trouble.

Mike continued to look angry. "No, I told you, it's ridiculous. Cut it out with the stupid lies. I have a lot of respect for Chief Swan, my whole family does." He looked at Jessica and Lauren and hissed, "Are you two trying to get busted for slander or something?"

Lauren's eyes bulged slightly before she recovered herself. "Why of course not, Mike. I must have been thinking of someone else." Her eyes darkened as she spoke.

The reporter grew increasingly annoyed at this. "If you'll excuse me, girls, I think I'd like to talk to someone with a little more _accurate_ information." The camera then cut away but not before the reporter could be heard saying, "You'd better edit that out or we'll both be out of jobs!"

I could only hope she was right. I clicked off the T.V. then. Wow, I couldn't believe Mike defended Charlie. And he defended me in a way. I was certain he would join in and attack me like Jessica and my "best friend" Lauren. Maybe I had misjudged Mike. Or maybe he had changed. I was too tired to think anymore. I let sleep take over.

xXx

The next morning my bad mood still had not lifted as I turned off the shower and dressed. The photoshoot was in a few hours and I had no idea what to wear. I guess it didn't matter since they would provide the clothes for the shoot anyway. I settled on a denim skirt and a red sequined tank top. It was still hot, even though I was a lot farther up north. I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and frowned at my reflection. I was never happy with myself no matter how many people told me I was beautiful. I just couldn't seem to let myself believe it.

Nadine entered my room carrying a huge sack bursting with letters. Fan mail. She held a single envelope in her hands.

I was already irritated. So, we're not knocking anymore before we come charging in?

"This one was left under the door. I don't know how it got there."

"What?" I exclaimed. "You mean there's some obsessive fan who knows how to get in here? What happened to security?"

Oh God. What if it's him? Or someone worse?

"The place is being monitored, of course. The guards checked the tapes from last night and there's nothing there."

"Then how did it get there?" I growled.

"I don't know." She seemed taken aback at my harsh tone. "Every minute of last night is on those tapes. Although there were a few brief seconds where the tape must have had a glitch. But no one could get in and out that fast."

I continued to glare at her.

"And besides," Nadine continued. "don't you think if that guy had any intent of hurting you he would have done something? A letter isn't very violent."

"He seemed pretty keen on hurting me last night!"

"Oh, Isabella, honey." Nadine's bubbly smile was back. "You can't possibly think the letter is from the man who attacked you last night. It's impossible."

"Impossible how? He could've taken a flight here the same time we did. He could've been on the same plane even." My voice shook and I struggled to stop myself from crying.

"That's true, but how would he know where to find you? Your appearance last night was highly publicized. The press doesn't have any idea of the location of this shoot. Besides, you're going to be protected from now on. I'm hiring a bodyguard for you."

I groaned.

"No more objections." She was mothering me once again. What was she going to do if I refused? Ground me? I chuckled bitterly.

"Fine," I huffed. "I guess I'll just have to get used to living with a shadow."

"A _giant _shadow," she corrected.

"Better yet," I droned.

Nadine put her thin arm around me and rested her head against mine. "Oh, it won't be that bad Izzy. He won't go with you _everywhere._ It's more like he'll be watching you all the time."

"Gee thanks, that's so much better. I can _totally_ live with that. No problems." Heavy sarcasm.

She only smiled in return. "It'll be fine. And try not to worry about who left that letter. You're safe here."

"I guess you're right," I muttered, though I wasn't convinced by any means. "Just make sure it doesn't happen again." I sighed. "Please?"

"We'll do everything we can," she replied, heading for the door. The envelope was still in her hands. "Do you want me to go ahead and throw this out?"

"Leave it. I want to know what I'm dealing with here."

She set the letter on the small table beside the door and turned to leave. When she was gone I went over and snatched it. The envelope was made of a heavy, off-white paper. There was no return address, unsurprisingly. The surface was completely blank except for my name. The tightwad couldn't even put a stamp on it. I examined it closer.

Isabella Swan

I was taken aback my how beautifully my name was written. It was like a work of art, a stunningly elegant work of art. I ran the tip of my finger over the lettering, enthralled. Suddenly it didn't seem to matter quite so much that this letter was left by a possible madman. I had to know what it said. I slid my finger beneath the seal, jaggedly tearing the back of the envelope. My fingers dug in eagerly, preparing to extract the letter inside.

The door opened again behind me. I shrieked, nearly dropping the envelope. Nadine reentered the room. "Oh Izzy, we need to get you ready to leave for the photoshoot. I forgot that they wanted to do the interview before the shoot instead of after."

"Interview? You didn't mention an interview." There's the Nadine we all know and love. I groaned and covered my eyes with my hand.

"Of course silly! You can't do a photoshoot for a magazine and expect not to do an interview to go along with it."

I sighed in defeat. "When do we need to leave?"

"Um…." She glanced down at her watch. "Now!"

"Nadine, wait a min-"

She lunged forward and took my arm, pulling me out the door. The letter fluttered to the floor, halfway torn open.

She scurried down the hotel hallway. I looked longingly behind me to where the letter had settled to the floor just behind the door. The pain shooting up my arm commanded my attention. It felt like it was being pulled from its socket.

"Hurry Izzy!"

"Nadine," I panted as we ran. "Do me a favor."

"What?" Nadine didn't look back. I was amazed that she could run in the shoes she was wearing.

"Stop calling me 'Izzy' okay?"


	11. Author's Note

I know, everyone hates an author's note. But I had to give an update since it's been so long. I'm not sure if anyone even follows this story anymore but I just wanted to let those who do follow it know that it's not dead. As I've promised I'm not abandoning the story. I will finish it, I just can't say when. Nursing school is a killer. I can't even see my friends on a regular basis let allow have time to finish a story. I have to read the whole thing over again so I get it right. Anyways, I graduate in May (yay!) and then I can go back to having a life and, you guessed it, writing this story. So hang in there and know that it's coming. Sorry about all the waiting and a big thank you to everyone who takes the time to read my story. :)

*~The-Mona-Resa


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